


Angel of Yesterday (Rewriting)

by MrAlec



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Dialogue, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Death, Defusing, Depression, F/F, F/M, First P.O.V, Hallucinations, Lapis Lazuli is dead, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Nightmares, Self-Harm, Set after/during Jailbreak, Suicide Attempt, criminal, the cluster - Freeform, two parts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7844701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrAlec/pseuds/MrAlec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ON HOLD AS I AM REWRITING IT</p><p>Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3gNcWFGg4&feature=youtu.be</p><p>That night when I put a bubble around my family, all I can think about was “I'm so sorry, Lapis.” There was no time to save Lapis Lazuli. I felt horrible for not going back and saving her as well, she was my family like the Crystal Gems were to me. I searched for Lapis. And searched. What I found of her, was nothing, but shards left. This is my story on how Lapis didn't make it from the fall, and my first experience on the illness of depression. Read Angel Of Yesterday.</p><p>Part Two Summary:<br/>I watched how Steven crumbled during the months after Lapis' passing. He was falling apart every day, and all we can do was think of ourselves.  Now it's the end, and we are alone. Can we keep us together without the one thing that made us who we were? Or will we fall apart? This is Garnet, and for once I can't see our fate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jailbreak

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where I am actually going with this. This is going to be a test run on how this story will go out. So, please review, and tell me how you like it. If you like it then I will write more, if you don't then I will delete the story and keep working on my other shit. Thank you in advance for reading. Most of the dialogue is from the actual episode of Jailbreak in this chapter. Just to warn you if anything seems familiar to you that's why. -XDomoX

**October 11th, 2015**

**45 Days Left**

  
I followed the bright scarlet skin gem, as we ran through the ship we were trapped in. She was slightly taller than me, with dark burgundy hair, and a thick build. She was wearing a maroon tank top and a matching colored headband around her thick and fluffy, outgrown hair cropped at the neck. Her ensemble includes mid-thigh burgundy shorts, and short pointed maroon boots. The gem was fast for me. I could feel a sharp pain in my side as my breathing was heavy. My swollen eye was throbbing as well. "Hey, my name's Steven, by the way, what's yours?" I asked through huffs of breath, it didn't hurt to ask as we might all die here tonight.

The gem stopped suddenly, and I almost ran into her. She looks around frantically, a look of trying to focus was on her face. "Quiet!" She yelled at me flustered, I was a little taken back on how rude she was to me. I was just trying to be her friend, and helping her as I was trying to look for my family. "Ugh! I can't see!" What did she mean by that? She looks like she was seeing just fine, as she looked around. Her head snapped to the side as we heard the singing once again. "This way!" She yelled.

I huffed as I followed her down a winding hallway, "How many more gems are trapped here?" I asked the red gem, as we were running. Maybe I can help them escape along with my family. I didn't want anyone to die while I was here.

"Don't know. Don't care." Said the gem, as she kept running, she sped up her pace making me roll my eyes and take a sharp deep breath speeding up with her. Maybe I should get in shape more. This little bit of running was killing me to no ends. The singing had stopped, and so did the gem in front of me, making me stumble a little as I stopped next to her. "She stopped singing." Looking around, she started to yell out her friend's name. "Sapphire!" I looked out a window in the ship to see a dark open space, with millions of stars, I then saw Earth as we were flying past it. The red gem started to run again, and I had to speed up my pace to keep up with her. We soon got to another cell, with a gem inside. The gem that I was following gasp, getting excited before her face fell, and she looked angry. "It's just you …"

I soon realized who the gem was when she turned around. It was Lapis Lazuli. She has a slim figure, light blue skin, and dark blue chin-length hair, arranged in almost the same as that of Pearl, although her bangs are slightly longer, with a fringe that covers her entire forehead. She wears a flowing, dark blue skirt, which is knee-length with a downward-facing dark blue triangle. She also wears a backless, dull and dark blue halter crop top with an upward-facing dark blue triangle that ties into a blue sash ribbon on the back of her shoulders. I was so happy to see her. "Lapis!" The red gem behind me started to pace feverishly. "Lapis, I can get you out!"

Lapis moved back making me stop moving forward, "Stop!" She cried out. I was confused, why did she want me to stop, I wanted to help my family, which included her.

"It's okay, I can-" I was cut off by her.

"No! I don't want your help. Things are bad enough as it is. I've already made too much trouble. Once we get back to Homeworld they're going to decide what to do with us." Why was she telling this? All I want to do was help her. I went to walk forward again to create an opening in the cell, when she scooted away from again.

"I don't have time for this!" Yelled the gem behind me before she dashed off down the hallway. I turned around and yelled towards her.

"Wait!" I called and took a step forward to follow before I stopped and looked back at Lapis.

"Steven, whatever you're doing just stop. If we do everything they say they might go easy on us." Lapis tried to reason with me, but I shook my head. They poofed Garnet, and they gave me a black eye. They imprisoned my family, alongside her. I don't understand why she was doing this to us.

"But they're ... mean! They hurt my friends, they hurt my face! They've got you here in prison!" I tried to argue with her, but it was obvious then and there that she wasn't going to budge a bit, but I was going to keep trying.

"That's why we can't fight them."

"That's why we have to fight them." Lapis turns her back on me and I felt like crying. I was getting frustrated. Why wouldn't she let me help her? All I want to do was help her. Fine, if she didn't want it now, then I will come back for after I rescue my family. "I'll come back for you ..." With those last words I spoke to Lapis I ran down a hallway, hearing the singing start up again before gasping as I saw Jasper and Peridot. I hid, only to peek around the corner to listen in on their conversation.

"We can't leave yet!" Yells Peridot obviously flustered by the much bigger gem. The whole point of coming here was to check on the Cluster!" Jasper then punches a wall making me flinch.

"Stop singing!" She snapped, I couldn't see who it was, but I knew for sure it wasn't Peridot she yelled out, until now when she was snapping again. "Rose Quartz takes priority. Get back to the bridge and set a course for Homeworld." I saw Peridot turn around and walks the other way, and Jasper walk the opposite.

I started to hear Peridot grumble. ""Go to earth," they said. "It'll be easy," they said." She walked off out of my view, when I knew it was safe I turned the corner to see another gem in the cell, who looked around, making sure it was safe, she then started to sing again. I walked up to the cell getting a closer look at the gem.

She has blue skin and pale blue, wavy hair with bangs that cover the top half of her face. She was slightly taller than the other gem I was with. She was wearing a floor-length gown with white, rounded, puffy sleeves, a navy top, and a blue skirt. The skirt has several frilly layers in several shades of blue which resemble an open geode. She was also wearing white elbow-length evening gloves. "Hey, I like your song. Are you Sapphire?" I told her.

"You escaped ..." She sounded a little surprised. I reached through the barrier giving her an opening. "Of course …"

"Come on, it's safe. I said shakily as vibrations went through my fragile body, it didn't hurt just felt really weird every time I do it. She walked through and a small smile was on her lips.

"Thank you, Steven." I didn't know how she knew my name, but I shrugged it off.

"You're … welcome." I told her as I moved away from the barrier. Both of our heads snapped to the side as we heard the gem I was with before call out Sapphire's name somewhere in the distant. Sapphire grabbed my hand tightly.

"Come on!" She said before running at an incredible speed pulling me along with her.

"Whoa!" We stopped at a doorway, looking through a room, the red gem was on the other side. We heard her gasp.

"Ruby!" Called Sapphire as both gems ran at each other, meeting in the center of the room embracing each other. I was starting to think they were more than just friends. And the conversation and the moments I just witnessed proved me right.

"Did they hurt you?" Asked Ruby as she was so excited to finally embrace Sapphire once again.

"No, no, I'm okay. Did they hurt you?" Ruby started to tear up and shake her head.

"Who cares?"

"I do!" Sapphire said as she kisses Ruby's tears away. Ruby picked her up and spins her around, they were both laughing which made me smile and forget for a split second that were her endanger of being found and being put back into our cells.

As they spin, I noticed their laughs overlaps each other, and they fuse, becoming an amorphous white blob of energy that then becomes a figure who lands in front of me. The laughter switches tones becoming Garnet. "Steven! Thank you!" She was happy that she was back together, but I was surprised to even find out that she was a fusion.

I gasped, trying to take hold of the concept of this. "Garnet! You're a fusion?" Garnet's smile didn't fade.

"Aw, I'm sorry. We didn't want you meeting us here like this." I was a little disappointed, but it didn't matter at the moment.

"Well, did I make a good first impression?"

"Oh Steven. We already love you!"

"Where is she?!" I heard Jasper yell, but I couldn't see her. I was instantly scared, she was so much bigger than me and I didn't know how I felt about that, as she was a Homeworld gem.

"It's Jasper. Steven! Find the others and get to the control bridge!" Garnet said, I didn't know how to get to the control bridge, and what if I didn't get there in time?

"But I don't know where they are!" Garnet then kisses my forehead and a vision of Pearl and Amethyst leaning against the same wall in two different cells. "Future vision ... Wait, are you gonna be able to beat her on your own?"

"It's okay, Steven, I'm never alone." She hugs me, before I ran down a series of hallways and getting to Pearl's and Amethyst's cells, they were happy to see me, as I helped them escape. We all ran towards the control room to find Peridot there. She ran out me with her gem destabilizer, grabbing it I snapped it in half, before Amethyst ties Peridot with her whip.

"Don't touch that! You clods don't know what you're doing!" Screamed Peridot as Pearl sits down in the captain's chair.

"You got this, Pearl!" Yelled Amethyst as Pearl reaches into the ships control panel, her eyes flash with lines of data. I glanced at the ship cam and see Garnet and Jasper fighting, prayer that Garnet was going to make it out of there okay.

We were suddenly jostled by the sudden explosion that happened somewhere on the ship. We felt the ship rapidly descends towards earth, my heart was racing as my stomach dropped low. I saw Peridot crawl away, hitting her head against the deck to activate an Escape Pod, I couldn't stop her in time nor could Amethyst. She jumps to try, and stop Peridot, but fails, falling flat on the ground. Concluding in Peridot escaping head on towards Earth. I looked out the window with Amethyst, and Pearl, as the ship continues to its free fall. I needed to go back and save Lapis just as I was about to turn around Garnet enters the control bridge. "Garnet!" All three of us said together.

"The ship is going down!" She yells over the loudness surrounding us. My heart dropped once again. I needed to go get Lapis, and now.

"What about Lapis?!" I yelled.

"There's no time!" I instantly knew she was right, and tears started to fall from my face. I couldn't believe I was just leaving her like she was nothing. All her life she was treated like nothing, and I wanted to change that for her. I really wanted too.


	2. Lapis Lazuli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am happy with all the reviews I got today, so I decided to make a second chapter! Again a lot of things will be similar as I used a lot of dialogue from both Jailbreak and Full Disclosure in here. I want to make it resemble as much as I can before I start going off in my own direction. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and review if you want more of it, or if I should stop all together. I do not want to write a story no one really pays attention too. Sooo.. yeah. -XDomoX

I didn't realize I had closed my eyes until the rubble that was on top of the bubble I made for my family, was thrown off by my magical pink lion. Yes, pink Lion. Lion has round ears, pink fur, black eyes, a soft-pink star shaped mane, and a dark brownish-magenta heart-shaped nose. I will tell you the story of how I came across him another time, what came through my mind at that second was Garnet was a fusion, and where was Lapis, and hopefully she was okay. The Crystal gems were wrapped around me as I popped the pink bubble that surrounded us. “Nice one.” I heard Garent's accented voice behind me. I turned around excitedly.

“Oh my gosh! I can't believe you are a fusion all the time!” I was excited to learn this that means there was technically more crystal gems there I thought previously. They were also very cute and my size just like Amethyst. Now we weren't alone with the only gems being the shortest. That made me very happy to just think about it. Also, made me kind of sad, to know that they were fused all the time and I didn't get to see them that much, but they made of Garnet, and she was the best.

Amethyst's surprised rough voice filled my eyes, I looked at her as she spoke, her eyes wide. “You met, Ruby and Sapphire?!” My heart dropped a bit, was I not supposed to meet them? Were they a secret? Why would they hide something from me like this? Wasn't I part of the Crystal Gems too? Then, Pearl started to speak, her voice was full of sympathy as she spoke to Garnet.

“Oh no! We were going to introduce you. Garnet, your plan!” Ohh they were waiting to tell me, now I kind of felt bad that I met Ruby and Sapphire, ruining their plan. Garnet put a hand on my shoulder and smiled down softly at me.

“We were waiting for you birthday.” My eyes lit up, so that's what they were going to do for my birthday? Maybe they still can do it. And I can just act surprise. Yeah, that would work.

“We can still do it! I'll just pretend I didn't know!” I said my eyes were stars, before Amethyst chuckled. Our smiles soon faded, as we heard rumbling, and an orange hand reaches through the rubble, and Jasper emerges from the burning wreckage of the ship. My heart started to beat fast as we all stood up waiting to fight, I took out my pink shield ready to protect me and my family.

“Ugh! Auh...” Jasper fell on her knees. A look of anger on her faces, as she clenched her fists and stares at us with pure rage. “Don't think you've won. You only beat me 'cause you're a fusion! If I had someone to fuse with I'd—“ She snapped, but was cut off with Lion doing one of his concussive roars, sending Jasper flying with a scream across the ocean. She was just a dot in the sky before disappearing completely.

“Yes, Lion!” I cheered and the others did as well, before my phone started to ring. I grabbed it out of my pocket to see it was my best friend Connie. “Um … hello?”

Connie sounded worried and scared, “Steven! I got your message, are you okay? What's going on?” I didn't respond what should I tell her? That Garnet was a fusion and was beaten by an evil Homeworld gem that goes by Jasper. That I was punched in my eye and kidnapped by aliens from outer-space to be taken back to their Homeworld? “Steven …?” I couldn't tell her. I didn't want to worry her, I didn't want to tell her that I couldn't protect her. That I was weak. 

“That could have gone … a lot worse.” Pearl says smiling, as she looks around to see a bunch of debris. I guess it could have gone a lot worse. It was surprising that the town of Beach City was standing up in pieces, instead of ruins like usual.

“Could have gone a lot better too.” Garnet says as we looked over to see the Crystal Temple burning pretty much down. The lighthouse hill was scattered with parts of the Gem Warship burning.

“Steven, I got your message. Steven? What happened?” I had almost forgotten I was on the phone with Connie. I sighed, I didn't really want to tell her. I was afraid to tell her.

A small smile came onto my face, as Amethyst surmised me by twirling me around. “WE WON!!” she practically screamed.

“Is that Amethyst?” Connie asked through the phone as Lion nudges me. I feel like he was trying to tell me something as he pointed to some rubble, but I ignored him. “Ah … what's going on? You said that there's some kinds of giant space hand and you all may die?” Amethyst was screaming making it hard to pay attention to what Connie was trying to say to me, and the fact that Lion was nudging me harder. Amethyst pulled me into a headlock and gives me a noogie.

“I see you, P!” I heard Amethyst excited as she spoke to Pearl. I knew that they had something going on between them, but I think they were trying to hide it the best as they can for now, until I was a little older. However, it was obvious they both liked each other, a lot.

“It's been a madhouse over here.” I told Connie, as I watched Amethyst hug Pearl over-exaggeratedly.

“Amethyst! That's enough celebrating!” Pearl said her white cheeks going blue with embarrassment. We then saw my dad's van come towards us.

“Steven!” I heard my dad before getting excited.

“Dad!” I yelled back before speaking to Connie. “Connie I-I have to go. I promise I'll call you back.” I hung up the phone and ran to my dad as he was running towards me. “Dad's back! Dad's back!”

“Oh! Thank goodness you're okay!” My dad hugs me, and I hugged him back tightly. “Mmmmm! I saw the spaceship start to leave and then it crashed so I came back and ... ohhh ...” I knew right then and there that my dad saw my black eye, “your eye ... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!”

“No way, they were super strong!” I said shaking my head and laughing.

“But you were able to beat them back?”

“No. They totally stomped us! This warrior, Jasper, was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then, they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever. And then we crashed the ship and I almost died!” My dad started to panic and my smile disappeared.

“What did they want with you?”

“They think I'm Mom.”

“A-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?”

“I ... uh ... I don't know. Maybe?” My dad's face was clearing showing distraught.

“Steven. I-I'm supportive and very proud of you. And I'll be right back.” My dad runs over to his van. “Got to calm down. Where's my... “ He was talking to himself as he starts picking up lots of his CDS. “Where's my relaxing music CD?” He picks one up. “This one?” My dad puts it in the radio and loud music starts to play. “Wrong one!” He presses the button for the CD to come back out. “Stop! Eject!” I was confused as I watched my dad punch the radio as he was trying to relax, when my phone started to ring. When I picked it up out of my pocket I saw it was Connie calling me. I put my phone away, and looks around. Lion was still sulking over to the debris.

“What is it, Boo?” I asked him walking over to the pink Lion. His ears came up and he nudged the debris. “Amethyst? Can you help me move some debris!” I asked. It was also one step into looking for my friend, Lapis. Maybe she was unconscious under these wreckage. Amethyst walked over and shape shifted into Purple Puma. She lifted the debris up with Lion's help.

I literally dropped to my knees as the debris was thrown to the side. My mouth was agape as I stared down at a pile of crushed blue shards in the sand that got too hot and turned to glass. They laid there perfectly crushed as I crawled over to the pile. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't her, was it? “Steven, are you okay?” It was Amethyst, but her voice was quiet as it went out one side of my ear into another. I barely felt a hand on my shoulder as I piked the shards up in my hand, it was practically dust. “Oh no.”

I looked up from the shards to find Garnet's hand on my shoulder, her visors her off, as she looked down at my face then the shards. “It's her isn't it?” I asked as my voice started to crack as I looked back down at the dark blue shards in my hand. “Did you know this was going to happen? Didn't you?” I asked her, my voice full of mix emotion. “You knew she wouldn't make it?!” My voice started to raise as tears fell down on the pile.

“There was nothing we could have done, Steven. There was no time.” Her voice was quiet with little to no emotion in it. It pissed me off. I could have had time to save her. If I didn't stay in the control room, I could have saved her. This was all my fault. “You shouldn't blame yourself, Steven.” Pearl walked over and she covered her mouth as she saw what I had in my hands. I wiped my tears away, I was going to try, and act strong. I didn't need them to tell me there was nothing that we could have done. I knew we could have saved her.

I bubbled the shards, and stood up, looking up at Garnet, a few tears escaped my eyes and ran down my cheeks. “We could have done something. We had the chance. I had the chance to save her. I left her in the cell, I left her to die. This is all my fault. This is all my fault. If I didn't follow Ruby, to go look for Sapphire, then maybe I had a chance to save her. Force her to go with me.” I let the bubble drift as I clenched my fists.

“You knew she wouldn't have gone with you, Steven. You tried and she refused. It was her fault. She had it coming.” Garnet said, clenching her jaw. I knew she was a little irritated at me, which hurts me a lot.

“IT WASN'T HER FAULT! GARNET! SHE WAS SCARED! SHE FELT USELESS IN THERE! I COULD HAVE SAVED HER! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. Just forget it. It's over and done with.” I snapped before calming down to a small whisper. Pearl and Amethyst were staring at me, their faces full of mixed emotions, and Garnet's was straight faced. She showed no emotion anymore as she put her visors back on. I grabbed the bubble and ran and ran, until I couldn't run anymore and I fell into the sand curling up in a ball. My eye was throbbing, my heart was beating and my body was shaking as sobs controlled my whole body. I laid there holding the bubbled shards closed to my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor Steven, why? Garnet, this is so unlike you? Why did you act like that? Was it because you felt guilty? Ah damn Garnet, you need to go and talk to my baby boy. Anyway, did you like it? Does Steven need more emotion towards this? Are do you like how he is kind of going numb with this? Yes? No? Please tell in the reviews. Until next time, -XDomoX


	3. Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I love your reviews, so I have another chapter for you, before I go to bed. I hope you enjoy it. I am sorry if there are mistakes. I am pretty tired. If there is any then you can tell me. Also, again, some things are from the episode of Full Disclosure. Enjoy anyway. -XDomoX

**October 12th, 2015**

I'd slept on the sand that night, no one came looking for me except Lion, who curled up next to me. I had snuggled up to him, clutching the bubble not to tight, but tight enough. The same thoughts keep running through my brain. This was all my fault. All my fault. I could have helped her. I have such a pathetic useless boy, who can't call himself a crystal gem. The next morning I got up off the sand, my body was covered in it. I barely had any sleep, as I was numb. Numb. That's all. I wanted to cry so bad, but nothing ever came out. I walked, I didn't want to go back to the temple, so I went on top of the hill with the light house. The bubble in my hands. I didn't want to give it up.

I sat down on the edge and watched the waves crash against the rock. That's when I heard Ronaldo. "Yooo!" I looked over and waved a little.

"Oh! Hey Ronaldo."

"Didn't you hear? Mayor Dewey is calling everyone back into the city. We can go home now." He looked at the sky and I looked at him sadly, before looking away at the bubble in my hands.

"Oh! I see … you come up here to brood too?" Ronaldo asked, he was kind of annoying, I just never noticed until now. And what the hell was brood?

"Brood?" I asked him

"Yes, Steven. That's just what people like us do. Suffer quietly, shouldering the knowledge no one else can bear." Is that what it meant? It almost fit me to the T. I made a rumbling sound in my throat thinking about it. "As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold, led anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan ride." Maybe that could explain Garnet acted the way she did. Also, my dad.

"I know! My dad flipped out when I told him." I didn't know why I was telling him this, maybe I just needed to get it off my chest. I kind of hoped he would leave soon though. I wanted to be by myself right now.

"Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is not easy path we've chosen here. There are ... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us." Ronaldo said sternly. There are sacrifices? No, there are people who had no choice in the matter on when they live or when they die. They were not sacrifices. They were innocent casualties. Like Lapis Lazuli. "Is that giant hand from the sky sitting right in the middle of the beach?! I gotta get some of this for my blog!" I sighed as I watched him run off before watching a wave splash against the rock.

“Everybody told me Gem stuff's dangerous. I guess I didn't believe it until now. Dad always seemed apprehensive. And now he's really freaking out. What do I do? I don't want that for you.” I didn't know what to do, I didn't know this feeling I was having right now. It was all new to me. I hated it. I hated this. I didn't know how I could protect my dad or Connie, if I couldn't even protect my family. I couldn't protect Lapis. My phone started to ring, and I grabbed it and saw it was Connie, before throwing it down. I pushed my knees up to my chest and held them there.

“Everybody tells me life is precious. On the planet Earth, and that means you. And I have to protect you. What if somehow you get hurt? What do I do? I don't want that for you.” The phone started to ring and I wanted to throw it, I hated the ring tone already. “What am I going to tell you? You're better off not knowing the trouble I'm in, I don't want you to worry about what I've just seen, about where I've just been. You don't have to be a part of this. I don't think I want you to be. You don't need this. You don't need me.” She doesn't need me, I was useless. I was so useless. I got up and started to walk down the hill as I was singing to basically myself. I felt like crying, but my body wouldn't let me. My phone kept ringing, before I screamed and threw it over the cliff.

“No! You don't need me! I am not good enough! I have a defective gem, I am not even a gem. If I was, then maybe I could have saved her!” Tears finally started to fall from my face. I looked down at the bubble that was floating, I tapped it and sent it home. Which was just right above my bed. I walked down the hill, and sighed. Pieces of the gem ship was everywhere, scattered, the fires were out which was a good thing.

My feet hit sand and I felt the heat rise through the soles of my thongs. It felt nice to be honest. Wiping my tears, wincing as I pushed down on my black eye for a split second. It was going to be really tender for a while. My hands in my pockets I walked back to the temple, head hung low, as I walked up the steps of the house. What were they doing? Were they, waiting for me? I didn't see them on the beach. I pushed the door open, and the gems were not there. Did they go on a mission already? Did they not give a crap about me?

Of course they didn't, they didn't give a damn because I was the one who took mom away from them. If I wasn't born, this would have never happened. Lapis Lazuli would still be here. Mom would still be here. Everybody would be happy. Tears wanted to spill again, but I wouldn't let them. It was pointless to cry. I didn't need anyone seeing me cry in the first place. 

* * *

**October 14th, 2015**

Two days after the crash of the hand-ship and two days after Lapis Lazuli was crushed under the wreckage. Two days, I kept my feelings within me, trying hard not to show them off to anyway. I didn't need to feel anyway sympathy, it didn't seem like they cared anyway. The debris was mostly cleared away, some pieces were still here and there. Beach City went back to normal quickly like usual. Connie, she came over today after school, to come see me. I ignored her. If she was around, I might break down in front of her, I might be a baby. Babies, they couldn't save the ones they love. I couldn't save the ones I love.

So, I avoided her at all cost. She wasn't too happy about it. Nor were the gems, I think they expect something is wrong with me. They didn't try to ask questions. Of course they didn't. Do you know why? Because I was just a useless little boy to them. Shaking my head, I went over to the front door to go take a walk. “Steven, where are you going?” Pearl asked, she was in the kitchen cooking up lunch. I turned around and gave her a fake smile.

“I am going to go take a walk, maybe go visit the Big Doughnut.” I shrugged and waited for Pearl's response, she narrowed her eyes slightly.

“Are you still upset about Lapis?” She asked me, and my heart felt like it was yanked out of my chest with no mercy. The smile on my face faltered just a bit. I shook my head.

“I am totally fine. It was an accident, and I had no way to save her.” I shrugged, I tried to put emotion in my voice, but from the look on her face, I knew she didn't believe me. Well, not all the way anyway. “Well, I'll be back.” I waved and walked out of the house, my smiled dropped the moment I was away from Pearl. I knew I had a way to save her. I could have. Shaking the thought out of my head, I had my hands in my pockets and walked to the doughnut shop. When I got there, Lars and Sadie were fighting like usual. However, the conversation was slightly weird.

“Lars, listen to me,” Sadie pleaded with Lars, as he stopped on his way to the back room. I walked into the shop, and the bell rang above my head. Lars and Sadie apparently, did not notice that I was there. “Let me, look at your arms. Did you do it again?” Her voice was full of so much emotion which made me cringe.

“It doesn't matter, Sadie. It's done an over with. What I do, is my business.” I was startled to hear Lars sounding like he was going to cry. I sat down at one of the tables in there, with my hands in my lap. Sadie grabbed Lars hand and squeezed it, I noticed tears were in her eyes.

“Lars, please, I know you are depressed. However, cutting isn't the answer. Harming yourself is never the answer.” What was depressed? And what was cutting? I sat there taking small glances at the two, as I thought. “I don't want to lose you, you are my player number one.” Lars looked down at Sadie, tears were brimming his eyes, as he lifted up his sleeve, to show Sadie, my eyes widened as I looked at the cuts that were on his arm. Was that what it was to cut? Didn't make the pain go away? Lars, he looked like he was in pain, maybe that helped. “Oh Lars.” Sadie shook her head and looked away, Lars pulled down his sleeve and walked into the back room.

I stood up and walked over to the counter, ringing the bell. Sadie jumped, wiped her eyes, and looked over to see me. She was surprised, I could tell. “Steven, how long have you been standing there?” Should I lie? Or tell the truth.

“I have been here since the beginning of you two's fight.” I mumbled and looked down shrugging. I looked back up to see her behind the counter. “What is depressed?” I wanted to know, I was curious. I also wanted to know what was cutting, but I think I figured that out on my own already.

Her face was mixed with emotion, I didn't know if she wanted to tell me, or tell me that I was too young to know, like a lot of people did to me. “It's when someone is sad, Steven. They become unable to function properly, they don't want to do certain activities, being around friends or family. Some want to do harm to themselves.” I nodded along, some of it made sense, and some of it didn't to me. Maybe I was depressed? That's why I am sad. That seems logical. “Now, what happened to your eye?”

“Ah, my eye. I was punched in the face by a giant space gem.” I shrugged. “Can I have two chocolate donuts with sprinkles please?” Sadie nodded, and handed me the donuts as I paid for them. “Thank you, tell Lars, I said to get well soon.” I waved and she waved back, walking out of the shop, I had run into Amethyst.

“Hey Steven! Just the man I was looking for.” She looked down and grabbed my bag, I was going to protest, but she had already consumed my donuts. I sighed. I wanted to eat those. “I need help cleaning up! Garnet, is away, and Pearl is in her room. She told me I had to start cleaning the beach.” I sighed and nodded. We walked which was silent, until Amethyst, turned to me. “That's not why I came to you.”

I was taken back by this sudden turns of events. “Then what was it?” I asked her a little suspicious now. Amethyst stopped and shifted from foot to foot. She was shifting her weight, a lot. Running her hand through long white hair.

“Well, we are worried for you, Steven. Ever since you, I mean … ugh … ever since we couldn't save Lapis, you've been like this.” Amethyst said before she kicked at the sand striking her foot on a metal piece of wreckage she sighed and picked it up. I narrowed my eyes, of course. She was blaming me.

“Ever since, I couldn't save Lapis, huh? That's what you were going to say? Do you blame me for mom's death too?” I asked her, and her face was a look of horror when I asked. Then, it went to grieve. “How much do you miss mom, Amethyst?”

“I don't … blame you for Rose's death … Steven, where is this all coming from? I miss Rose a lot, but I don't blame you, lil'man.” Amethyst seemed to drag out her words carefully, her fists were clenched, and she looked like she was trying hard not to cry.

“Are you lying to me?” It came out more of a question then statement. Amethyst bit her lip, before shaking her head, and walking away from me. I watched her walk before she started to run and then jump into the air disappearing. I growled in frustration, as I walked back to the temple. When I got there, I felt drained and tired, like I really didn't want to do anything.

“Good evening, Steven.” It was Garnet, she was siting on the couch. I looked at her, and nodded, before going up to my room. “Is everything okay?” I nodded again, I didn't know if she saw me or not, but whatever. “Are you going to talk to me?”

“Yes, Garnet. I am going to talk to you. Why are you being so pushy lately?” I snapped. Garnet had a taken back look, and I regretted what I just did. “I'm sorry, Garnet. Yes, I will talk to you. Everything is okay. I'm fine, I'm just tired, is all.” I responded more softly then.

“Steven, you can talk to me. I am sorry, we couldn't save, Lapis. It was her fate to go down like that. She lived a long and steady life. She had to go one point or another. All of us do.” I slumped down on my bed, I didn't feel like arguing with her. Why was she saying this to me? However, Lapis didn't. Lapis didn't live a long and steady life. She barely lived at all.

I laid there as tears brimmed my eyes, I shook my head and wiped them away. “She didn't. She lived in the mirror since the first Gem War, Garnet. She never got to see the world we live it. Lapis Lazuli, she was afraid when I let her out. She wanted to go home. When her dream came true, it was snatched away from her. Snatched away, the moment she had freedom. Just like how mom was snatched away from you.” It was quiet in the temple, I got up and looked down, Garnet was on the warp pad and left. Did something come up? I sighed and took my thongs off and slipped under the covers. I wanted to sleep for days on end. That's all.

* * *

 “Steven … Steven … Can you hear me?” That voice. Who did that voice belong to? “Steven … open your eyes.” I did, it felt like they were nailed shut though. As I opened them and blinked a couple of times, there was a blue shadow lighting up the black space that surrounded us. What was going on? “Why couldn't you save me?” That voice sounded louder and more familiar.

“Lapis?...” I was so unsure, looking around I was floating in mid air. The scenery changed to when Lapis and I were up in space on the big log of ocean water. Looking down, I was back in that bubble. The blue figure started to change into more of a solid shape. She turned around and it was indeed Lapis. “What … where am I?”

“I was waiting for you … “ Her eyes were milky white just like before I healed her gem. “You never came back like you said, Steven. You lied. You never kept your promise. Now, I'm dead. It's all your fault.” Her all body started to shake violently as my eyes were wide, and my heart was beating fast. She opened her mouth and a blood churning scream escaped her mouth. It opened wide like an old horror movie monster, and consumed her whole body. The scene changed once again, to the strawberry field, I was in the feral position.

“Steven, sweetie, are you okay?” That was music to my ears, I got up slowly and looked around nothing was there. “Steven, hey, Steven.” A hand touched me and I jumped high in the sky, before I woke up in bed, the covers were on the floor and I was drenched in sweat. My heart was rapidly beating inside my chest, as I was trying to see where I was. I was back in my room, at the temple. Pearl, was there at the end of my bed, her eyes wide with what looked like worry on her face.

I clenched my chest, and took a deep breath, it was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. It seemed so real. What if she was waiting for me to come back? What if she waited until she realized it was too late, and the last thought that went through her mind was, he had forgotten me. I ignored Pearl, as I dragged my legs to my chest and cried. I ignored her as she tried to comfort me, poorly. I ignored her as she tried to ask me what I dreamed about. I ignored her, when she said everything was going to be okay. I ignored her because nothing was going to be okay. Nothing ever was going to be okay again. I could have helped her, and I didn't. I am no Crystal Gem.

When she gave up on trying to comfort me, she went and stood up. I grabbed her wrist, and looked up at the tall woman. “It's my fault, isn't it? Everything is my fault. We wouldn't have been on that ship, if mom was here, and not me. If mom was here, Lapis wouldn't have died. You all wouldn't hate me, either.”

“Steven … “ Pearl stopped before biting her lip, confirming what I was thinking. “We … I …”

“Save it, you are like the others. You all hate me.” I let go of her wrist, she stood there before she walked away. They all blamed me for Lapis' and mom's death. I know they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody, thank you so much for waiting so patiently for this update. I am sorry it took so long. I have band practices Monday & Thursday, Club meets every Wednesday after school, and I have night classes every Tuesday and Friday. So, my schedule is pretty damn packed, but I am going to make sure I keep updating. If I don't update within three - four days I am very sorry. I am going to try to update, every two days though. I wish I can update like I use too, but unfortunately I can not. Now again, thank you for being a patient and reading this stupidly long author's note. - XDomoX


	4. Cutting?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ello domos! (Nah? Okay. xD) Anyway, I am back with another wonderful chapter of Angel of Yesterday, I love your reviews, so please please review more! Other than that, enjoy your chapter update. Also forgot to mention, thongs, are flip flops. Not the underwear. xD I hang out with my grandma too much. And I started calling them thongs. -XDomoX

 

**October 20th, 2015**

Days passed since the incident, I didn't know how many, as I didn't keep track anymore. The beach was cleaned up and the alien machinery were all gone. I came to be more distant with the gems, not going on missions anymore, not talking to them as much. All I did was sleep, and watched TV. Sometimes play video games, but they didn't seem as fun anymore. Connie came and visited a few times, it was always just an awkward silence between us. Pearl barely made eye contact with me since that night of the nightmare. She knows she was guilty of something, and she didn't want to admit it to me. Amethyst was alright, she still tried to hang out with me as much as she can. Garnet, well she was Garnet, not much changed between her.

I stood up from leaning against my bed and stretched. I had been sitting there for a couple of hours straight watching Crying Breakfast Friends marathon, it wasn't as great as it used to be. Walking down from my loft, I opened the fridge and grabbed a soda. Maybe I will go for a walk to try, and clear my head. It was so hard to do that lately, even if the Gems were gone pretty much 50% of the day.

The temple door then opened. It was Pearl, we made eye contact was a split second before she looked down and went to the kitchen. "Good evening, Steven, what would you like for dinner?" she asked me, as she went through the cupboards. I took a drink of my Dr. Pepper, before answering her with a shrug.

"It doesn't matter, whatever you make I'll eat." I said with no emotion in my voice whatsoever. I never felt anything anymore. Everything was always so numb for me. I hear Pearl click her tongue in protest, I cocked an eyebrow, to hear her response.

Pearl didn't say anything though, she huffed and grabbed some things out of the cupboards. I went to the front door getting bored watching her. "Where are you going?" she asked me, now she says something. I looked at her.

"May I go take a walk?" I asked politely, again she clicked her tongue, and nodded. "Be back later." I waved and walked out of the door. Amethyst was on a lawn chair on the porch, she didn't look at me or said anything, so I just walked down the stairs of the house. I walked and walked until I made it into town, it wasn't very busy today, unusual. I went to my dad's car wash, and knocked on the back of his van, I needed to talk to someone. He might not understand what I was going through, but at least I like his advice.

After the fifth knock, I went and turned around to go find something else to do. If he wasn't going to answer then there was no point in staying around. "Steven? It's been awhile, son." I heard my father's voice, turning back around, I saw him yawn and rub the sleep out of his eyes. "What brings you around?"

I looked at him, feeling a little bad that I had woken him up from his sleep. I shrugged and walked over to him. "Nothing, I just wanted to talk to somebody is all." I climbed into the van and sat down in the corner hugging my knees. "I haven't been myself lately … since … I couldn't save Lapis …"

"Ah … you are still caught up with that … I wasn't there, so I have no idea if you were able to save her or not, son. However, one thing I do know, when you love somebody very much, and you know you did everything to make them happy, then they are gone in your life the next day, you just have to deal with the pain. Pain is just an emotion, you can control it, live your life, Steven. Your mother, it took me forever to deal with the pain of losing her. Now, I have you. And that all that matters. You have the Crystal Gems, and you have me." Dad, did feel pain for losing mom, and it was all my fault.

"It's my fault, the gems hate me now. They hate me because I am not one of them. I am a half-gem, half-human hybrid. I stole mom, from you and from them. I'm a murder for not helping Lapis." I said and curled up as much as I could. I could practically feel my father's eyes boring right into me. I sighed, as I couldn't take it anymore, I uncurled and crawled out of the van. "Do you blame me for mom's death?" I asked him.

My dad was silent for only a second, before answering my question. "No, Steven, I do not. You are the best thing that came into my life after your mom. You are my everything, and you are so much like her. She will be very proud of you, my son. Like I am. I am so very proud, you scare me to death, but you try your hardest on everything you do." my dad got out of the van and hugged me, I hugged him back tightly, burying my head into his chest.

"They blame me. I can feel it. I can feel how they resent me, how much they miss mom." I started to cry as we hugged, his shirt was soaked by the time I had calmed down. "I-I'm sorry..." My dad took his shirt off and chuckled.

"Ah, don't worry, I got more where this came from. Steven, I don't think they blame you. Have a talk with them, if you talk things out, then everything will be fine. If every hot dog was perfect, then we wouldn't have pork chops." I laughed at my dad's stupidest saying, it always made me feel better because it was one of his favorites. I hugged my dad, feeling a little bit better, when I pulled away, I told him I was going to go talk to the gems about all this. Saying goodbye, I ran off.

It wasn't until the sky was covered in oranges, reds, pinks and purples that I made it back to the temple, in high spirits to talk to the gems, about what I am feeling, and to talk to them about how they were feeling. I ran up the stairs to the house, the window was cracked and I peeked through, seeing the gems all in the living room. They looked like they were talking or arguing about something, but their voices were too quiet. I didn't want to disturb their talk though so I sat down under the window, and waited for them.

Their voices started to increase as time passed though. “Steven, he is sick, Pearl.” It was Amethyst. I sat there leaning against the wall listening as much as I can. “He doesn't go on missions anymore, all he does is watch TV or sleep. He keeps asking us about Rose. He can't get over the fact that Lapis is dead. I don't understand why he is so caught up in here.” They didn't understand? How did they not understand?

I turned around to stare at them through the window, Pearl looked like a mess, her hair was out of place, and she was shifting her weight back and forth. Garnet had taken off her visors as she stared at the other two females. “Amethyst, you have to understand that Steven, Steven is like his mother way more than we think. He loves everything and anything living. To see someone die, like Lazuli, it is heart wrenching for him.” Her voice was soft, but full of so much emotion than usual for the dark skin gem. “As for Rose, I think the feelings, he is building up from Lapis, is getting to him with his mom. He thinks we blame him for her death.”

“Well … we would still have, Rose, if she didn't have, Steven.” I was taken back and my heart felt like it cracked into a million pieces as I heard Pearl. “I would still have my Rose. I would still have my rock to lean on, my strength. She showed me how to be who I am today, Garnet.” Pearl's arm were crossed, as her hands ran up and down them. I watched as Amethyst looked hurt at her words, but I was hurt more. I knew they resented me. I knew they were lying to me this whole time. “She left us. She left, she left us with that-” Her voice was starting to rise more and tears welled in my eyes as I stood up. “SHE LEFT US WITH A NO GOOD –“

“Pearl! Steven!” Snapped Garnet, pointing to the window where I was. Tears were now running down my face. Did they all feel like that? Was I really a no good? “Steven … listen to us ...” She said carefully and I shook my head.

“I knew you all hated me because I took mom away from you. Why did you hide it from me?” I shook my head and ran down the stairs of the house. I heard shouting behind me, and large footsteps following. A hand touched my shoulder and I turned around and slapped whoever touched me. When I regained my posture, I noticed it was Pearl. Her once inhuman white skin, now showed a red throbbing hand print. I shook my head, shocked. I slapped Garnet once before now I had slapped Pearl. What was wrong with me?

I turned around, and ran again. The sun was down, and the only light was from the stars and the moon in the night sky. I didn't hear footsteps following me anymore, so I had slowed down. I need to take a breather, my breaths came in short and hard. My throat felt like it was closing, as I couldn't get enough breaths from the run, and the crying. I closed my eyes and leaned against the rock and took a breath through my nose and out my mouth. I did that a couple of times before I finally calmed down enough that I wasn't panicking.

I slid down the rock and brought my legs to my chest. It hurts, my chest and my head. So, much pan, I wanted it all to go away. I thought maybe talking to the gems would help with the pain, but with what just went down, nothing would help. My caregivers, they hated me. Pearl, she hated me more than anyone else. I feel like the whole world was after me right, they everything was closing in. My hands dug through the sand feeling the warmth from the sunlight not too long ago. Then, my hand that was buried in the sand, was cut on something sharp, it hurt, but the sting felt a little good. Digging through the sand, I found what cut me.

A rock.

A very sharp rock at that. An image of the cuts and scars on Lars' arms flashed through my mind. Did it help the pain that he was going through? Maybe it will help the pain that I was going through. I bit my lip as I held the rock up to my left forearm, before shaking my head, it was too obvious there, and I didn't have any long sleeve shirts. I stood up and looked around before undoing my pants and pulling them down just bit to expose my thigh. It was a perfect spot to do it.

I sat down back in the sand, and looked at the skin on my leg, it looked soft. Biting my lip, to the point where it broke open, I put the rock up to my leg, and slowly dragged the rock against it. I hissed at the pain that it caused. However, after it was over with it felt good, and got my mind somewhere else then the other things. I did it a couple of more times, before putting down the sharp rock in the sand. I watched as the blood slowly came out of the wounds on my leg. I was kind of at peace with this awful act I just did. I was slowly understanding why Lars did it.

It wasn't until I started to feel slightly drained, is when I pulled back up my pants and started to head back to the temple with a slight limp. The temple was dark as I walked into the house, and up to my loft. They must have been out or in their rooms. It didn't matter to me, as I took off my flip flops and crawled into the bed with my clothes still on.

* * *

**October 25, 2015**  
**40 days left**

Pearl doesn't come out of her room much anymore, after what she said to the gems, not knowing I was listening along. She felt to guilty, I am assuming, to even face me in the eyes. “Steven,” it was Garnet's voice, as she looked up at me from the living room to my loft. I leaned down wincing slightly as I put pressure on my leg. “Do you want to go on a mission with me?” I hated missions. What if something happened, and I couldn't do anything about it?

“Um,” However, maybe I needed to get out a bit. Maybe it will help me get my mind off of things. “Sure,” I told her, and grabbed my hamburger backpack running down the stairs to the loft, and over to the warp pain. I bit my lip to hide the pain on my leg. Garnet was a little slower to get to the warp pad, but when she stepped on we were transported somewhere else. “Where are we?” I asked.

The place was covered in broken rock, and looks like very little life was ever here. There was hot steam coming from some gaps in the rocks. It was making me sweat. “Ardwick Moors.” Garnet said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “There is a corrupted gem somewhere here, and I wanted you to help me. You just have to be extra careful it's a fire one.” I nodded and started to walk forward with a limp, I had to jump back as a shot of hot gust of mist shot up from the cracks in the ground. Maybe I should go home.

Garnet caught up with me, and we walked searching for the gem, it was quiet, but somehow I felt like Garnet wanted to say something to me. I felt like this was more than just a mission, it was only the two of us in the first place. “This isn't just a mission is it?” I asked quietly, as I limped alongside her.

She was quiet for a bit before she started to answer my question. “I am worried about you, Steven. Pearl didn't mean to say what she did. She is under a lot of pressure like all of us.” I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well that's how Pearl feels and she meant her words. “I took you out here to talk to you. I need you to tell me what's, going on.”

I looked at her before looking down at my hands, I stopped where I was walking. “There is nothing wrong, I am perfectly fine.” Shrugging, I kept walking before my leg was snagged on something sharp. I hissed as I tried to pull my leg away, but it was stuck. I looked and saw something a head, it was huge with massive horns. It was coming right towards me.

“Steven! Watch out!” Yelled Garnet before I felt her tackle me and my pants ripped. However, she was too slow to get out of the way and was slammed into the rock, making more rocks tumble down on her. Was she okay? I got up and winced as I felt blood tickling down my leg. Ah crap. The corrupted gem looked my way, with his back beady eyes. My heart raced, why wasn't Garnet getting up again? Just at that thought, Garnet jumped from the rocks and grabbed the corrupted gem by the horns throwing it against the rocks and made it poof. She walked over and bubbled the gem sending it home.

She turned around and stared at me, why? She then took off her visors, I saw her eyes were locked on my leg, looking down there was blood coming from a new wound, but also my scars were showing. My eyes widened, fear took over my body once again, having my summon my shield subconsciously. Garnet took a step forward, and I took a step back. “Stay away. I know what you are thinking. I'm fine. Really.”

Garnet clenched her fists, and shook her head. “You are not okay, Steven. Please. Please. Talk to me.” She practically begged me, as tears welled up in my eyes and I shook my head. “Once you talk to me. Everything will be okay.”

“Nothing will ever be okay again!” I yelled. “Nothing, without mom, or Lapis. Everything went down to shits! I'm not okay! I have somebody's blood on my hands, Garnet! You know damn well, we had time to go back and save Lapis! If you didn't try to stop me, I would have saved her, and she could have been once of us. Now. Leave. Me. ALONE!” I threw my shield at her, making her fly back. A bright light shone against her body, and she defused. Ruby, was the first to regain what happened. She looked around frantically, before spotting Sapphire laying motionless. I didn't know what I did, I stood there frozen.

Ruby ran over to Sapphire and picked her up laying her on her lap, “Sapphire, wake up. Please. Come on.” Ruby's voice was full of urgency. “Why are you doing this to me?” Tears were starting to well up in her eyes. Before Sapphire groaned and moved, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. “Oh thank god. Are you hurt anywhere? Let me see you gem.” Ruby grabbed her wrist and looked at Sapphire's gem. “Crap. We need to get you to Rose's fountain.”

“Steven ...” Mumbled Sapphire as she was helped up by Ruby. “Don't leave, Steven.” He large eye wasn't full of color anymore. The light was fading and her body twitched. I cracked her gem, I-I cracked her gem. No, no, no. I shook my head and started to run as fast as I could.

“Wait!” I heard Ruby yell at me, but I knew they were not going to follow me, as Sapphire's gem was cracked. I finally stopped when I couldn't run anymore, I was in front of a cave. It wasn't dark in there, so I walked and walked, until I reached the dead end of it. It was kind of peaceful here, I thought as I looked around. I sat down and leaned against the rock, as tears fell down my face. I was a monster. I took mom away. I took Lapis away. And I almost took Sapphire away. I shouldn't be living anymore. I shouldn't have never been born. If I wasn't born then none of this would have happened. None of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor Steven, hopefully everything will work out and he will just be fine. Back to normal. Lapis' death took a toll on him, and now he is blaming himself for Rose's death. How could Pearl even do this? Yeah I know she misses Rose, but that was uncalled for there. And poor Amethyst was so hurt by Pearl saying that about Rose. Like I was hinting that they had a relationship going, just like I did in the other chapters. Anyway, I hoped you like the chapter. I also hope Sapphire will be okay. Until next time - XDomoX


	5. First Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! How are you? I'm doing great, thank you. So, my plan for the count down for the big climax of the story was suppose to be 40 days, but I have to increase it again. Because I forgot that Peridot was still on the loose and in this time period, I wouldn't be able to get in what I needed. So again, I am sorry for the confusion really. So, if one chapter says another thing instead of this one, then that's why. 
> 
> Anyway, I was going to put Creation of Hope on hold, but people actually read it, and I don't want them to hate me for not writing more of it, so the updates will be slow, but I will eventually get to it in time. At the moment, I will be mostly putting my full attention on this story and on Two Different Worlds. Now, there is going to be a three-day weekend coming up because of Labor Day, so now I have three whole days of nothing, but write, write and write. That means I get to write more chapters of this! Yay! So, I am sorry for the wait with this chapter, I have been so tired lately, and my attention was on Two Different Worlds. Now, it is back on this story, so enjoy, until next time. -XDomoX

 

I didn't know how long I was huddle up in the cave, but it must have been for a while because the humid air started to get thin and cold. I must have spent the whole day in here at the most. And no one seemed to care to look for me. Until I heard footsteps, I didn't have anywhere to go, my hands went behind me to find something sticking out of the wall. It was sharp. I tugged and tugged until it finally came loose. I looked down at it, as my eyes got more used to the darkness, it was a sharp piece of crystal. I held it firmly in my hands waiting for whatever was coming. I lowered it a little bit, but not much when I saw it was the Crystal Gems. Garnet's hand looked perfectly fine, they must have gotten Sapphire to mom's fountain. I was happy for that.

Only thing that was bothering me, was they barely even came looking for me until now. I have been here all day, I liked the peacefulness, and the alone time, but did they even care for me at all? They never cared about my feelings I had towards Lapis. She was my family, and I wanted to save her. They didn't care. They thought I was going to get over it sooner or later. Maybe I should have trusted Lapis when I took her out of the mirror, maybe I should have gone with her, and ran away when I had a chance. They also blew me off when I asked about mom. Pearl hated my guts. Amethyst, I'm not sure what she really thought about me.

I lifted my shirt up, and pointed it right under my rib cage, just above my liver. “Do not come anyway closer, or I swear to the gods, I will do it.” I snapped at them making them stop in their tracks. “It took you all day to come find me. Do you even care? Was I just a burden to you all when mom died? When I was feeling like total crap because I couldn't save Lapis? Do you even care that I am slowly dying inside? Can't you see it?” Tears were streaming down my eyes as I spoke. I was dying inside.

Very slowly, and very painfully.

“Steven, we had no idea.” It was Pearl who spoke up first, I looked at her, and narrowed my eyes. My vision was getting blurry from the tears that were running down my face, my nose was running too, but it didn't really matter at the time. “If we had known you were so upset about the fact that Lapis had died, then we would have been there for you more.”

That was a plain at lie, I pushed the crystal against my skin, and I felt a prickling pain for a second. She was going to walk forward, but I pushed the crystal in more and felt hot blood run down my skin. Garnet laid a hand on Pearl to stop her advance forward. “That is bull crap. You knew how I was going through. I broke down multiple of times. And you know what? You were too selfish to care. You saw me slowly breaking down.” I sniffled and shook my head. “This is for the best. Maybe if I do this, then … then mom might come back. If she comes back then … then … Pearl will be happy again. Amethyst, will have someone to tell her that she is perfect the way she is. Garnet, she wouldn't have to stress anymore about being the leader of the Crystal Gems. Everything will go back too normal. Dad, will have mom back as well.”

“Steven! No!” Horror was written over Garnet's face, as I pushed the crystal in deep blood was in my hands in a matter of seconds. A smile was on my face even with the immense pain I was in. I dropped to my knees, and strong arms caught me. They belonged to Garnet, I knew for certain. “Why?” She asked, I felt tear drops drop down on my face from her three eyes.

“It was the best. Now, you can have … mom … back … and I can be with Lapis.” I coughed up blood, and groaned as I was picked up. I didn't want to go anywhere just let me die. My vision was getting distorted, and I had no idea what the voices surrounding me, were saying.

* * *

**October 27th, 2015**

**48 days left**

**(A/N: I just put it ten extra days. Is all. xD Confusing I know. I had to keep doing my math.)**

I woke up feeling heavy, like my whole body was made of nothing, but rock sinking down to the bottom of the ocean, and all the pressure of the water was weighing down on me. I groaned, trying to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt stapled shut. Was this how it felt like to be dead? I thought when you died, you were supposed to feel weightless, but I felt like total crap. I felt a hand on my forehead, and I groaned again. Then, someone opened my eyelids, and a bright light shined into it. Ugh, get that light out of my face. It was too bright. I tried to blink when the hand moved away, making me able to open my eyes once and for all. I blinked a couple of times trying to get used to the bright light and the brightness of the white walls surrounding me on all sides.

I tried to move, but a shot of pain ran through my body like a bolt of electricity. “He's awake, someone should get Greg. He will be happy to know that his son is alive.” It was a voice I didn't recognize. I was alive after all. When my vision was clear I was finally able to get a good look at my surroundings. The people who were around me was a female doctor, and Pearl. Why wasn't I dead? I should have died back there.

Pearl put my hair away from my eyes, so, she can look at me. “You had us worried there, Steven, we were so scared you wouldn't make it.” She kissed my forehead and that small gesture turned my cheeks pink. It felt nice that she was paying attention to me, and not accusing me of taking mom away from her. “I was so worried, Garnet, she could tell you I was freaking out the whole time. I couldn't go on missions at all.”

I mean I was happy that I was still alive, but at the same time, I wasn't. I knew this was all an act from Pearl, deep inside, she still blamed me, for everything. Blamed me for mom's death. She was hurting so much inside, like I was. Like I am still. “Have you been here the whole time?” I asked her, and she nodded her head. “Why?” She was kind of taken back with my question.

“Steven, I love you. We all love you. Without you the Crystal Gems would be incomplete.” Pearl kissed my forehead, before my dad came into the room. He ran over to me, his eyes were watering with tears.

He hugged me and I winced, as it was too hard. “Oh, I'm sorry, I am just so happy you are awake. Don't ever do that to me again!” I was starting to tear up, why did I have to make my dad worry about me so much? He was going through so much more pain than I was. And I was going to make him go through so much more than he needed to be. Even though I am hurting, I will try to hold on as much as I can, for my dad's sake. For Garnet's sake. For Amethyst's. I took a side glance at Pearl, for Pearl's sake. I will try to hold on as much as I can. I will help them track down Peridot.

Connie came to visit me when her mom came in for work, it was a Sunday so she couldn't stay long because of Violin practice. She was so happy to see me though, I was a little upset that I made her upset for so long. We hugged and she kissed my cheek, making me blush. The visit was pretty short, I had to apologize for not talking to her, and that she can come over when I get out of the hospital in two days. Then, she had to go. I was a little sad, but I was also very tired. Garnet and Amethyst were off on a mission and dad was back at the car wash, so it was just me and Pearl, until I drifted off to sleep again.

* * *

**October 29 th, 2015 **

**46 days Left**

I was released from the hospital today, October 29th, two days before Halloween. The gems never liked Halloween. They said it was a load of bull, and there was no such thing as the supernatural. Well, that's what Garnet, and Pearl says anyway, Amethyst on the other hand, actually loves going trick-or-treating because she can act like a human kid and get candy. My dad drove me home, to the temple where the gems were. I had to use one crutch because I couldn't stand on my own very well. Also, with every step I take hurt me so much.

When I was walking, I noticed three people were walking towards me, I stopped in my tracks as I noticed it was Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream. “Steven! Steven!” called Jenny as she waved at me. I waved back with the arm that wasn't holding the crutch up.

Buck Dewy smiled a bit and nodded my way. “Yo!” He said, I nodded my head back at him, before taking his glasses off to inspect me more. “What happened to you, dawg?”

I looked down at my feet, “Aye, I got in a little accident is all.” I shrugged it off. I looked back up when I felt all their eyes on me, it was kind of uncomfortable to be honest. Then, Jenny started to speak up.

“Well, anyway, I am glad you are okay. And welcome back to Earth. I know it's a little late, but hey, we are all busy, yeah?” I was taken back about how she knew I actually went up to space.

“Wait! What? Who told you?” I asked.

“You looked a million miles away, man.” Buck had told me, and my cheeks were heating up. I was spacing out a bit there.

“Oh, heh heh. Sorry, I was zoning out.” I rubbed the back of my head a little embarrassed, but it seems like they didn't care because they started to talk again. Well, Buck anyway.

“We were about to go chill in the parking lot and freak out some squares.”

“You should come with.” Jenny said shortly afterwards.

“Oh, but I— I don't have anything against squares. I like all basic shapes.”

Buck started to chuckle and I kind of felt stupid about what I said to them. Should I have said something else, instead of that? “Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You got that much-needed counterpart to our cynical world view. You have to come.”

Sour Cream then spoke up for the first time since they got here, and before I was able to say anything to them. “It's good energy flow.” he told me.

I was bummed out because I knew the gems wouldn't let me go because I just got out of the hospital, so I lied to them. “Sorry, guys, but I got a lot of important gem work to do. Maybe later.” My spirits were low as I saw them get upset a bit, I knew they were playing it off like it was not a big deal.

Aww.” Jenny protested.

“Bummer.” Sour Cream shrugged and looked down at his feet.

“Well, catch you later, then.” Buck said before they all walked away, I kind of felt like crying because I let them down for not hanging with them. I walked back to the temple, and forced a smile on my face as the gems and my dad greeted me as I walked inside the house.

**Later That Night**

I wasn't able to sleep as I kept having dreams about Lapis, and then my mom, so I just lying in bed. It was hard to move around a lot too. If I moved the wrong way a pain shot through my body right under my rib caged. I should have picked a better place. There was then a thump comes from the window. What was that? “Huh?” I stared out of the window until I jerked back a bit as a piece of pizza hits the window. “Huh, pizza rain, but no pizza clouds.” What was going on out there? Another piece of pizza hits the window, leaving a red stain on the glass. Pearl was going to freak in the morning. I got up and looked out the window, I saw Buck Dewey and Sour Cream. “Wha—?” I needed to know what they wanted, so I walked out of the front door and approached them. “What are you two doing here? And why are you making it pizza rain?”

Buck laughed a little, and smiled at me. “I only wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rain.” he had told me, I paused for a second confused.

“Is that a reference to something?” I had asked him, still confused. However, he did not answer my question.

“C'mon. It's time to hang out.” What? It was too late to hang out, what was he talking about?

“We can't hang out at night! Night is for dreaming.” And that is what I honestly believed. Night was to dream, to have your mind run awhile, except tonight wasn't for dreaming. Not if they were nightmares that is.

“Night is whatever you want it to be, time is an illusion.” Sour Cream had told me, and that was pretty deep. “But first we have to deliver the rest of this pizza to Mr. Smiley.” Did they really throw slices of pizza at my window that belonged to someone else? Holy crap. Alright. I told them that I will go, I was walking a bit better without my crutch so I just left it at home. By the time we had delivered the pizza, we were on the road heading out of beach city, Jenny was driving us, and I was in the back of the car with Sour Cream.

“Whoo! Wind in your face, that's what I'm talking about!” Jenny said and waved her hand out of the window with one still on the driver's wheel. I smiled at how much fun they all seemed to be having.

Buck looked back to me with a giant smile on his face. “Breathe deep, Steven. This is the smell of freedom.” I did, I took a deep breath, but all I got was a pepperoni smell.

“Freedom smells like pepperoni.”

Jenny had laughed at that, and my cheeks went red. “That's just the car.”

“You know what food definitely doesn't smell like freedom? Fish!” Sour Cream sounded a little distant, but I was curious why it was fish, and nothing else.

“Why fish?” I asked him.

“Uh, oh, here we go.” Jenny didn't seem to happy that I asked the question, maybe Sour Cream had vented this about them before.

“Ugh, my step-dad was all on my case today saying—“ He made mumbling sounds that I didn't quite understand from him, but listened anyway. “—eugh. I'm just like, I don't want to be a fisherman. Everyone knows you can't rave in a raincoat, step-dad!” Sour Cream seemed to have it a bit rough, I felt a little bit bad for him.

“At least he only bugs you about one thing. My dad's gotta say something about everything I do, 'cause I'm the mayor's son. And I'm like, you can't tell me what to do, I'm the mayor's ... wait.” I laughed a little bit as Buck just put his foot in his mouth. (Not literally.)

Jenny laughed along with me before she started to speak up at as well. “Puh-lease, you're are walking in cake with that talk. You guys don't even know what bad is until you have a sister. Look, I don't know why I have to spell it out that I'm the evil twin and she's the good one! Don't ask me to help you with your homework, I'm at some metal concert.” Ah, yes, I didn't know what it was like to have any siblings they sounded pretty tricky to me.

“Family stuff is tricky.” They all nodded in agreement with me. “I found out that the Gems are alien rebels, and there are other Gems out there that want us dead because they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage because they think I'm my mom. And maybe I kinda am?” I sighed and tried to hold back the tears as I spoke. “I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl about it, but I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around. = They also didn't really care when a friend of mine died during the crash of the hand. They told me that didn't realize I was so bummed out.”

There was silence from the kids until Jenny turned off the music that was softly playing in the background. “That's heavy.” she had told me, I shrugged.

“I guess.”

“But you always seem so upbeat. You're a real champ, Steven Universe.” Buck gave me a thumbs up and I nodded. I guess I was. I needed to be, I didn't need anyone worrying anymore.

“Yeah, I'd turn to fishing in a heartbeat if it meant not dealing with thaaaaat!” Sour Cream pointed to something in the field, and the car screeches to a halt throwing me forward into Jenny's seat. I groaned as a sharp pain went through me. “Look at that!”

“What?! What did I hit?! What is it?!” Jenny was starting to freak out.

“Glowing” I turned my head to the field to see a green aura shinning brightly in the middle. “We gotta check it out.” Sour Cream said. The car shifts and Jenny started to drive into the field. We parked a bit from the light, and we walked towards it. I was as curious as all of them. “That's, like, as bright as like 600 glowsticks.” There was a huge crater with Peridot's escape pod in it.

We shouldn't be messing around with this. “Peridot's escape pod.” I inhaled before moving as fast as I could even though it hurt me a lot. “Okay, everybody, step back! This is a gem machine and could be extremely dangerous.” I told them holding up my hands as I stood in front of the three older kids.

“Check it out.” Sour Cream walked right around me, making me frustrated.

“What are you doing?!” I asked as Sour Cream threw rocks at the pod. Whoa, stop! Peridot might still be in there.”

“Peri- what?” Buck asked walking over to the pod and standing next to Sour Cream. Jenny walked over as well, ignoring my protests.

“This biz is empty.”

Buck laughs. “It looks so busted.” And it really did. It was all dirty and some of the metal was bashed in.

“You need to get away from there!” I yelled worried that Peridot might still be around here somewhere. I didn't need her coming over and trying to kill us all for messing with her stuff.

“You need to relax. It's not doing anything.” Jenny said.

“it's not just the pod. This means Peridot is just out there somewhere, trying to hurt the earth!” I was seriously pretty scared right now. And I did not expect their answers.

“Not cool, Earth forever!” Buck kicks the pod.

“Here come the rocks!” Sour Cream dumps rocks on the pod, and I rolled my eyes sighing. There was no hope in trying to communicate with these teenagers.

“Steven, come take a selfie with me and this thing.” Jenny said, and I sighed shaking my head.

“No, Jenny, I'm serious.”

“So am I. Sour Cream, what about you?”

“Sure, I'm down with whatever.”

“Buck?”

“Nah, I like to just experience the moment for what it is sometimes. Plus the lighting is weird.”

“Ugh, okay. Steven. Last call. I got funny stickers.” I stood there stiff as I thought about it, I watched Jenny pose and took the picture. She then took one with her, and Sour Cream. I guess this wasn't so bad after all. It was actually pretty cool. I photo-bombed another one that was of her, and Sour Cream and I started to laugh at their faces. We took one with all of us, and Jenny put Roses around the border of the picture. I smiled big for the next one with all of us, Jenny put more stickers on this picture as well. This was way more fun than I thought it was going to be. Way more fun that I had in a long time. Tonight was one of those nights where I didn't feel like total crap for once.

Jenny squealed and jumped about as I leaned against the front of the pod, Buck leaned against it on my left and Sour Cream on my right. “Uhh, these are so good!”

I smiled and pointed a finger gun at her. “How do I look?”

“You look great, look, stay right there, I'm going to take one more...” Her face lights up and she gasps, “Steven, you should get in there.” I jumped and turned staring at the pod confused.

“What?”

“Just for a second, one picture.” I sighed, and shrugged. I guess it wasn't going to be that bad. The kids laughed as I climbed into the pod. It was pretty cozy in here, to be honest. “Okay, ready! 3, 2...” That's when I jumped as I heard Pearl screech.

“Steven, get out of there!” I jumped out quickly, as the Crystal Gems ran over to me. I was so ashamed. I didn't mean to get caught. Ugh, they must hate me now. They must be so ashamed of me. “What were you doing in there? You know you had to get us straight away with this stuff, Steven!”

“Steven, this is unacceptable. I'm very disappointed in you.” Garnet put her hands-on her hips and stared down at me, I felt so small compared to her. I wanted to hide under a rock right now. “Especially after you just got home from the hospital.”

I sighed and nodded. “You're right ...” That's when the teenagers jumped in front of me, pushing me back a little ways from the gems. What were they doing? I could handle myself, I opened my mouth to say something when I was cut off by Jenny. Her arm was outstretched in front of me.

“Hey, cut him some slack!”

“It's not his fault!” Buck yelled.

“Just let him be a DJ!” I was taken back by what Sour Cream said. I am pretty sure that is you buddy. I hid a giggle at Pearl's confused face.

“Wha—?” Before she could say anything, Sour Cream, had interrupted her again. They really needed to stop interrupting people.

“We just wanted Steven to have some fun. I don't know what's going on with aliens trying to abduct him, and him being his own mom, or even the fact that somebody that was dear to him being crushed by a giant space hand. But it sounds like he's got a lot on his mind.”

“I'm sure whatever you're having him do is important, but everyone needs a break once in a while. Especially, this kid. He has so much on his mind. He just got out of the hospital and everything.” Jenny said.

“He's just a kid.” Buck added.

Pearl sighs with her hand on her chin, she looks at Garnet. “Maybe we have been a little hard on him.” You got that right. I wanted to discuss this with them more, but not in front of the others. They were more than hard on me, they were being distant, and hard asses about my feelings. They were being selfish as well, not caring about what I was going through. Especially with the face about my mom and Lapis.

Amethyst shrugs and stares at Garnet as well. “He did just break us out of space jail.” They were right, I saved their asses on multiple occasions.

Garnet smiled down at me and ruffled my hair. “I'm sorry, Steven.” She said, and I smiled going up to her, and hugging her. I smirked and grabbed Jenny's phone before starting to take selfies. We took multiple and it was great. I felt like a family again. However, I knew it wouldn't last very long. Not one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys, I don't want to get our hopes on thinking this story is going to end well. So yeah cliffhanger. And yes, most of the dialogue is from "Joy Ride" Season Two Episode Two. I noticed what I planned for this chapter wasn't enough so I added more. I mean Steven has been down lately, and he tried to kill himself, so I thought maybe add some fun time! I actually really liked that episode to be honest. I didn't add the part where the pod turns on and stuff because the chapter was getting pretty long already, and kind of boring. Plus I didn't want Steven to get anymore stressed. I just wanted him to have fun. Anyway, the long chapter was to make up for not updating this for a bit. I hoped you like it. Comment down below. -XDomoX


	6. Not Helping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, I had no idea where I was going with the book. And I needed some time to plan some things out, so I am back with another chapter of Angel of Yesterday. Enjoy the update guys. -XDomoX

**October 31st, 2015**

**44 more days**

It was Halloween, I wasn't as excited as I usually was. I just pretty much lied in bed, and the gems noticed too. They have been trying to get me out of bed all day, now it was five o'clock at night and the sun was already setting. I only got out of bed because I was hungry, I didn't get out to see the gems, or talk to anyone, only to get something to eat. “Hey Steven, you are finally up. Look what Pearl made you.” Amethyst said trying to get my attention, I ignored her, walking to the fridge and grabbing sandwich stuff. “Steven, bro, look at me.” I sighed and looked up to see her holding an Archimicarus costume from Connie and mine favorite book series, _The Spirit Morph Saga._ “Isn't this awesome? Pearl has been working on this since last month.”

It was a pretty impressive accuracy to the character in the book. She must have read the books to get the costume down so well. I was actually slightly happy to see that Pearl went out of her way to make me such an awesome costume. I stopped making my sandwich and walked around the bar, to where Amethyst was. “That's pretty cool, has she really been working on it since last month?” Amethyst nodded. I wish I could thank Pearl, but her, and Garnet went on a mission and won't be back until tomorrow. They had Amethyst to stay with me just in case if I wanted to go trick-or-treating.

There was a knock on the door, I knew it wasn't trick-or-treaters because not a lot of people new the beach house was even here. So, it could be anybody that I know. Walking over to the door, totally forgetting about the sandwich I wanted to eat, I answered it. Connie was there, with a basket, a red hoodie cap, with an eye patch over her eye. I instantly knew she was Lisa from the book series. “Hey Steven! Where's your costume?” She sounded almost disappointed that I wasn't dressed.

“Oh … I wasn't going to go trick-or-treating this year …” I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. “I was going to call you, but I finally got out of bed. I haven't been feeling too well. You know just getting out of the hospital and all.” I laughed nervously. “However, come in, I would love to have some company. All I have is Amethyst.” Connie walked into the beach house, staring at Amethyst who ate the rest of the lunch meat and cheese. “Amethyst, that was my dinner.” I groaned out.

Connie giggled. “We can always hit candy for dinner, if you just go trick-or-treating with me. It took a lot of convincing my parents to let me go out tonight and even get candy. Please go with me Steven,” she was pretty much begging me. I was starting to feel bad that she went out of her way to just come over here and get me to go with her.

I sighed and looked at Amethyst who wiped her hands-on her pants before grabbing the costume Pearl made me and handing it to me. “Pearl made me an Archimicarus costume. She worked on it since last month. Let me get dressed, then we will head out.” I went into the bathroom, coming out a few moments with the costume on. I blushed brightly at Connie's excitement on her face, “Do you like it?” I asked her, and she nodded quickly.

“I love it. Pearl did an amazing job on it. Amethyst, are you coming with us?” Connie asked. I looked over at Amethyst who had shape-shifted into the Purple Puma and flexed. She was pretty much saying in her way that she was going to go. She went back to her normal self, not wanting to strain herself before the actual trick-or-treating happens.

Amethyst put away the things back in the fridge, checked everything, before turning the lights off. We walked out of Beach House, ready to go trick-or-treating. “We can't walk too fast …” I had told them, as I can already feel the strain on the stitching I had from the incident I had. Amethyst and Connie slowed down, and I thanked them. “I'm sorry. I want to walk faster, but it's hard.”

“Don't be sorry, Steven, I understand. And I am sure, Amethyst does too. Huh?” Amethyst nodded and patted me on the head, as we walked down the beach towards the city. It was pretty dark by the time we made it to the houses. There were trick-or-treaters everywhere, laughing, talking, and having such an amazing time. “This is so cool. It's actually the first time I have ever been trick-or-treating before.”

“Really? This is maybe my third time. Amethyst can tell you that Pearl and Garnet don't like Halloween that much, so I don't go anywhere on this day.” Amethyst nodded as she shape-shifted into the Purple Puma. For some reason, Amethyst wasn't a very big speaker today, I wonder what was going on through her mind. Anyway, we went to almost everywhere else, getting to the point where are bags were getting over full with candy. “It's a bit late. How about you call your parents up and tell them you are going to stay at my house? Dad will give you a ride in the morning.”

Connie was on the phone with her parents for some time, until they finally agreed to let her stay over at my house. We high-five each other, before heading back to my house using a shortcut. Amethyst wasn't being quiet anymore, she talked and talked about how much she wanted to trade with us. Until she already ate all her candy before we even got half-way back home. I shook my head in disappointed. “I couldn't help it. I was hungry.” Dark spots radiated off her face and I couldn't help, but laugh.

“I'll give you some of my candy when we get home. Pearl won't let me have all this in the first place.” It was true, she would be like. 'Amethyst! How could you let Steven get all of this candy? He can rot all his teeth out if he tries to eat all of this.' I giggled at my own thought, before my cheeks went bright red when Connie grabbed my hand. I looked at her, and she smiled at me as we kept walking. Then, our whole bodies went rigid as we heard somebody yell, and a horrific growl coming from an alley. “What was that?”

“Whatever it is, we need to go help the lady!” Amethyst said grabbing out her whip as she started to run towards the lady who had screamed. Connie and I followed, I instantly summoned my shield, waiting to defend off whatever that thing was. My side hurt like hell, when I was running. It was a pretty bad idea to even do this. We got to the alley, the light from the moon shone on a huge towering mutant type thing. It had three arms and two legs, as it turned around I saw two large lumps where its face should have been. Its left arm acts as a leg, it was very long, huge and muscular. Attached to it is two parallel hands. It was disgusting, as it had two right arms, and one of its legs is very small, not allowing it to act as a real leg. As it got closer I noticed it was mismatched colors, including yellow, spring green and dull purple. “That's nasty.” Amethyst said and gagged.

The thing roared again, running towards us. I dropped the bag of candy I was holding and pushed Connie behind me as the thing rammed into my shield. We were thrown back, almost screaming in pain as I landed on my side. I watched as Amethyst wrapped her whip around the massive body and threw it against the dead end brick wall. The girl screamed again, before running past us and down the street. I managed to get up, and help Connie up, she was shaking. I instantly felt like a failure once again.

I mean Connie had some sword training with Pearl, but they haven't got very far yet in their training. She was still not accustom to these types of things. Neither was I for that matter. I heard Amethyst yelp in pain as she was thrown over our heads. “Connie, stay behind me. I'll protect you.” I said through huffs of breath. I didn't have much energy with me. My head was pounding and my side was throbbing. This thing in front of us was monstrous nothing I have ever faced off before. I didn't know if I was able to keep Connie safe like I want too. I could never be like the other gems, like my mother.

Amethyst ran past us and whipped her whip towards the monster, throwing it back. I wanted to help so bad, Amethyst was no match for this huge thing. We all knew it. I took a deep breath, and threw my sword hitting it square in the chest, it went back a little bit, but I just mostly pissed it off. It knocked Amethyst down against the side of the building with one of its huge arms. She laid there motionless. The monster's roar shook our bodies and made our hearts beat faster. Then, it ran at us, I was too slow to respond. Connie and I flew backwards. I hit my head on one of the street lamps on the side walk, and Connie landed in the street motionless.

I saw flashing lights coming towards us, I couldn't move a muscle. I was going to lose another love one, and it was all my fault. It was my fault for not being strong enough to save them. I closed my eyes as I heard screeching, somebody yelling, then everything went quiet. I felt a hand on my shoulder, opening my eyes, Pearl was in front of me. “Connie! Is she okay?” I asked trying to look around Pearl.

“Steven, she is fine. Garnet, grabbed her just in time. Are you okay? Does anything hurt?” I shook my head, which was a terrible idea as the whole world instantly got dizzy. My hand shot up to my head holding it. I heard grunting, and looked to see Garnet fighting off the monster, it looked liked she was having trouble fighting off the being. I didn't know why because I knew Garnet could do it with no problem whatsoever. “I'll be right back, keep an eye on Connie. She's out cold and I have no idea how much damage she received.”

Didn't know how much damage, she had received? I crawled my way over to Connie, touching her cheek that felt cold. I grabbed up her body on to my lap, moving her hair out of her face. “Please be okay. I'm so sorry that I couldn't help you. I'm so worthless. I'm never going to be like my mother.” Tears fell on her cheek that rolled down from mine. I stroked her cheek before hearing an ambulance siren and seeing its flashing lights. Pearl put a hand on my shoulder and I shook my head. “I'm not leaving her. No!” I snapped as they tried to pull me away. “Leave me alone! It's my fault she is like this. I am not leaving her, damn it!” They finally stopped trying to get me to go. Pearl whispered something in my ear I didn't catch as they jumped into the air out of sight of the ambulance.

Everything went by to fast, I found out that the stitches in my side had reopened. They had to take me along to the hospital with Connie who had received internal damages. I didn't understand most that they were saying, but it didn't sound good at all. Once on the way to the hospital, Connie had flat lined, and they had to shock her back into the realm of the living. I remembered they had to sedate me because I was screaming and thrashing around in the back of the ambulance. That was the last thing I knew before I woke up in the hospital bed.

Her mom wouldn't let me see her. I have the strongest feeling she thought this was all my fault. And it pretty much was. It was my fault and I couldn't change it. Halloween will never be the same for me.

* * *

**November 4th, 2015**

**40 Days Left**

It's been almost five days since the incident, I was released on the same day I was admitted into the hospital, but I didn't know if Connie was alright or not. They wouldn't tell me anything, and Dr. Maheswaran wouldn't let me see her. “I'll be back in a few hours.” I told the gems that were sitting around the coffee table.

“Where are you going, Steven?” asked Pearl. She didn't like me going anywhere alone anymore. She was afraid something bad would happen to me. Maybe. I was hoping something would. “We were going to go and look for Peridot soon. We were hoping you would come with us.” I shook my head.

“I'm okay, I will slow you down in the first place. I am going to go over to Connie's to see how she is doing.” The look on their faces told me that they didn't want me to go anywhere, but I shrugged and walked out of the Beach House without another word. I called on Lion that let me get on his back. I had him stop at a flower shop so I can pick up some flowers for Connie, before heading towards her house. I slowly got off of Lion, and grabbed the flowers from his magical mane when we got there.

I took a deep breath before winching at the sharp pain in my side. I stood there for an about a minute to calm down enough that I was able to walk up to the front door. The words that I wanted to say recited in my head. My arm went up and my hand shaped into a fist, as it made contact with the wooden front door. I knocked twice letting my hand fall to the side of me, and my other hand clenching the flowers wrapped in tissue and plastic. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Dr. Maheswaran answered the door.

Her facial features were more wrinkled than usual as there was dark spots under eyes. “Hello Steven, what do you want?” She asked a hint of irritation in her voice.

“H-Hi Dr. Maheswaran. I came to see if Connie was okay. I had brought her some flowers. I knew these are her favorite.” I held of the flowers, a hint of a smile showed on Dr. Maheswaran's face, but it could have just been my imagination.

“She's fine, Steven, she will love these. However, I am sorry, I won't allow you to see her. What happened on Halloween was unacceptable. You almost got her killed. Thank you for the flowers. Have a good day, Universe.” She shut the door in my face. I had felt like crying right then and there, but I held it in until I got back to the temple.

“Hey Steven! Do you want to play some Video games? Are you hungry lil'man?” Amethyst asked cheerfully as I walked into the house. I wasn't eating much these days maybe that's why she asked if I was hungry. I looked at her, and shook my head, going back up to my room. The feeling deep inside  my chest wouldn't go away. The feeling of being a failure. The feeling of being a nobody. “Are you sure? I will whip you up something really quick.”

“I'm good. Thank you though.” I said gloomily. “I am just mostly tired. Maybe I will eat something after my nap. Yeah, that sounds good.” I crawled under the blankets to just fall into the darkness of my mind. It started out that I was getting chased from something. Whatever was chasing me, I must have been afraid of because my heart was rapidly beating and my feet wouldn't go any faster. My head turned to the side to see two shadowy figures chasing me. I then fell down a hole, and down I went. I kept falling and falling, until I landed flat on my face. As I sat up, the shadowy figures turned into real people. Connie and Lapis. Why were they chasing me? They started to laugh that shook my whole body. I didn't know what was happening, as they jumped on me.

Then I was on the sidelines watching as they tore my body into pieces. I just watched as they laughed killing me. That was all I remembered when I was getting shaken awake by Amethyst who looked frightened. I had realized that I had wet the bed. I haven't done that in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had put the death scene at the end because dying in your dreams means a lot of things. In this situation, Steven dreams about Connie and Lapis killing him because it reflects that something has died within its self. It also reflects his unexpressed anxiety and stress.
> 
> Anyway, did you like the chapter? Do you think Connie is okay? Do you think Steven will ever be able to see her again? When do you think Lapis will make an appearance? Until next time guys. -XDomoX


	7. I'm (Not) Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half-Way done with part one of Angel of Yesterday. The count down is getting closer to the climax. What do you think would happen? Eh? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter I sure did. Now on with this chapter. Some of the dialogue is from episodes "Cry for Help" season two episode 11 and "Keystone Motel" Season 2 episode 12. Okay so I know I know it's most a recap of these two episodes until almost towards the end so please please just keep reading even though it is pretty bad. Until the end notes - XDomoX

**November 6th, 2015**

**38 days left**

The pain that coursed through my body made me forget what I was feeling before that. Could pain cover up more pain? For me, I would say yes. I wouldn't say it was a beautiful sight, it was a much painful sight to see the blood flow down the whiteness of my skin. However, it made me feel at peace somehow. Just to know that I indeed feel pain, and not everything was numb. I stuck the tool back into it's sock and under my bed. The gems were out on a mission so I was left alone. They never stay gone long though. They were always worried about me, making it hard for them to concentrate on the mission at hand. To find Peridot.

I put pressure on the wound I had inflicted on myself, waiting for the blood flow to stop enough to wrap my leg up. When I was done with that I made sure to dispose of it that the gems couldn't find it. I did it just in time when the gems got back. “That's _why_ I couldn't see us finding  Peridot.” Garnet's voice was loud as I watched the gems walk off the warp pad.

Pearl looked guilty and had tears in her eyes, she backed up as Garnet walked up to her angrily. “Wait, I can explain.” She tried to plead with Garnet. What happened on the mission? What did I miss?

“ _You've_ been fixing the hub!” Snapped Garnet. I have never seen her this angry before, it was really nerve racking.

Pearl shook her head trying to defend herself, she had her hands raised in the air. “It really was Peridot! T-The first time ...” She stuttered. Wait, Pearl has been fixing the communicator hub, pretending it was Peridot? No wonder Garnet was so pissed with her.

“You _tricked_ me!”

“No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!” Pearl cried out, she was up against the wall now, she was shaking all over as Garnet got into her face.

“Those weren't _victories_!” Garnet was practically fuming, as Amethyst got in between the two girls. I knew she wouldn't let anyone talk down to Pearl, even if she was in the wrong.

“Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel ... _stronger_! Don't yell at her for something like this.” Amethyst hands were on Garnet's chest trying to push her back.

Garnet slapped Amethyst's hands away. “Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with ... nothing! That in my eyes is not a Crystal Gem.” Ouch that was a hard blow to the face.

“Garnet...” Cried out Pearl.

“That's enough! I do not want to hear another word come from your mouth. Do you understand me, Pearl? Not another word.” A finger was pointed at Pearl before Garnet stormed off and onto the warp pad heading to who knows where. I stood there watching Pearl fall down to her knees, Amethyst grabbed her up in her arms and just held her there. She lets her cry on her shoulder. I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't like to watch them fight, they were my family and it was hard to see them like this.

* * *

**November 8th, 2015**

**36 days left**

I was on the couch, I have still not heard back from Connie since the accident. I didn't know if her mom was forbidding to come see me, or she just didn't want to talk to me. It was hard because everybody else wouldn't talk to me. Pearl and Garnet weren't talking, leading to Amethyst not speaking to Garnet for what she did to Pearl. I mean Pearl was in the wrong, but Garnet shouldn't have said Pearl wasn't a Crystal Gem that was pretty harsh. The warp pad lights up, showing Pearl coming back from god knows where she has been for the past couple of days.

“Pearl! Where have you been?” I had asked her from the couch. I didn't feel like moving from this comfortable spot. I saw her flinch before she answers me.

“Uh, looking for Peridot! For a few days straight ... Steven, I know I might have ... disappointed ... all of you. I know Garnet is very upset with me, but I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again!” Good luck with that Pearl, I am sorry to say, I even know Garnet doesn't forgive people that easily. Speaking of the devil, Garnet walks through the front door of the beach house. “Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas?” Garnet completely ignores her saying nothing, and walks past Pearl. Pearl looks to the floor. “I'm sorry ...” She mumbles.

My head snaps to the door as I heard my dad's voice from outside the front door. Garnet had stopped walking to turn around and face that side of the house as well. “Who wants to go on a -” My dad walks through the door with a piece of paper in his hand. “road trip?!” Pearl and Garnet along with myself, all looked at him holding unhappy expressions. “Umm ... Is this a bad time?” It has been a rather long time since I saw my dad, but I wasn't happy that Garnet and Pearl, wasn't talking to each other.

Garnet walks over to Greg, standing in front of him. She was so much taller compared to the human man in front of her. “No, Please continue.”

“Well, I gotta drive over to the next state.” He said. I tried to rack my brain on which state that was, but came up with nothing until Pearl spoke up.

“Do you mean the Keystone state?”

“Right, the state named Keystone. I met a guy on an internet message board who's selling car wash brushes for real cheap! I just gotta meet him in Keystone and pick em' up!” Was he crazy, going to meet somebody on the internet. He could be some types of killer, or axe murderer.

“I don't like those brushes, they feel weird on your fur.” I had responded to my dad. I was being quiet over here, but I wanted to be part of the conversation.

“Well, do you like motels?”

“Probably!” I had no idea, I had never been to a motel before.

“Think you'd like to stay at a motel with your favorite dad?”

“I don't know if you're my favorite ...” I tried to hide the smile that was forming on my face. I haven't smiled in a really long time and it felt good to joke around with my dad. Especially with the confused expression on his face.

“What? Huh ... oh, you kidder! Come here!” I got up of the couch, and with a limp I walked over to my dad and jumped into his arms. A worried expression was on his face, but he replaced it with a smile.

“I can't wait to get room service!” Or was that a hotel. I had no idea, but the sound of a road trip sounded fun. Maybe getting out and seeing some new things will get my mind off of some things.

“You're thinking of a hotel, we're going to a motel. It'll have a pool, and free ice, and its right next to the best diner in the world!” My dad responded with a chuckle. Oh so it was a hotel I was thinking. Alright, well hopefully this will be as fun as he tells me.

“I'm coming too.” Garnet said quietly.

“What?” Pearl had sounded surprised from across the room.

I gasped, having Garnet along would make it so much better. “Even better!” I said, before my dad let me go to walk over to Garnet.

“Hey, Garnet, I know I'm talking this place up, but ... it ain't exactly the Ritz.” He had whispered to her.

Garnet smiled and shrugged. “I'll be the judge of that.” She had told him.

“Well in that case … road trip!” My dad cheered.

“ROAD TRIP!”

Garnet nods her head. “Road Trip.”

“Wonderful! I'll make sure Amethyst knows that-” Pearl was saying something until Garnet just walks out of the door, she sighed a disappointed look on her face. Maybe she wanted to go too? “Fine!” She strained the smile on her face. “Well … goodbye!”

* * *

My dreams they never let me sleep anymore, so when I was shaken awake by my dad I was surprised to find out that I didn't dream at all when I was asleep. I groaned and wiped my eyes to get the sleep out of them. Getting out of the car, I walked over to the door with my dad. “Another great thing about motels,” he says as he opens the room door. “you can drive right up to your door!” I gasped in awe as I looked through the open door.

The room we see has two beds, a closet, and a bathroom. The bed area has a rustic cabin appearance, with a deer picture and wooden back walls. The beds have a multi-colored stripe pattern. The left side of the wall has a window air-conditioning unit, and a window with a curtain. “I'm gonna swim in the pool, order a movie, get free ice! It's gonna be great!” I managed to jump on the bed.

My dad was starting to freak out as he ran over to the bed. “Not before we check for bed bugs, it isn't!” He said as he searches the beds, and Garnet enters, carrying our bags, groaning. Oh come on it isn't that heavy is it? “Good news! We're bugless!” My dad's cell phone lights up. “Oh! That's my cue. Hey, do you mind holding down the fort until I get back?” He asked Garnet who was sitting on the edge of the other bed, her hands-on her knees twitching. She gives a thumbs up with her left hand. “Great. I'm going to see a man about a tunnel brush ... An internet man ... If I'm not back in an hour, call the police.” My dad closes the door leaving only Garnet and I in the room.

I was bouncing up and down on the bed. “Bounce with me Garnet!” I said cheerfully before looking over at the not so good looking giant woman on the bed. I sat down. “O-or we could look at brochures.” I picked up one. “Oh, Keystone Caverns ...” I said trying to make it sound interesting when it really wasn't.

Garnet was appearing very tense as she groans. “Calm down.” What? Was she talking to me? She was starting to pant, when I realized she wasn't talking to me, but she was talking to herself. “I don't feel like forgiving Pearl!” she was starting to shake now. “You don't understand, we must.” Garnet grabs her own shoulders. “If you're not going to listen then you can just- go!” Garnet defuses into Ruby and Sapphire, they screamed as they fell to the floor. I was so happy to see them.

My smile faded as I saw them fighting with each other. Sapphire was sitting, facing away from her lover, Ruby. “We must move past this, Ruby.” She was telling the obvious furious red gem.

“She lied to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She tricked us; don't you feel used?!” Ruby's hands were on the side of her head like she wanted to rip her hair out. She gritted her teeth in frustration.

“Ruby! Sapphire! I uh-” I tried to speak to the couple, but they had ignored me and kept arguing. I sighed, of course there was going to be more fighting wherever I go.

Sapphire turned her head a little to the side to speak to Ruby. “You're choosing to take it personally.”

Ruby curled up in a ball before she started to shout and jump to her feet. “Its fusion, Sapphire! What's more personal to us than fusion!?” Her hands were flying everywhere showing how mad she was about the whole situation. I was sitting on the bed feeling very uncomfortable like I shouldn't be part of this.

“I know, you're still upset.”

“Oh, so it's just me?”

“Of course not.” Sapphire turns to face Ruby, she was expressionless and her voice was monotone. “Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?”

Ruby started to taps her foot impatiently, her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, it doesn't feel like it”

“The sooner we forgive Pear,” Sapphire started to levitate, “the better it will be for us all.” she floats onto the bed sitting right in the middle of it with her legs crossed. Even though she doesn't look pissed, I can feel the heat radiating off her cold body all the way over here.

The red gem that was still at the end of the bed started to yell at her partner, getting way more frustrated, then she should have been. “You're ... not ... as above this as you ... think you ... are!” She grunts, her head started to steam. Ruby started to pace around the room getting more angrier.

“Yes, I am. You can't stay angry with her forever.”

Ruby turned around and points at her girlfriend. “Wanna bet?” The carpet started to smoke underneath Ruby's feet.

“Ruby, the carpet.” Ruby looks down and see the carpet burning.

“You ... can't even ... Argh!” Ruby runs out of the room, slamming the door shut. Well this trip wasn't to thrilling, now was it?

“Nice to ... see you again?” I asked Sapphire, tilting my head.

“Nice to see you, too.” Sapphire responded.

* * *

I was getting pretty annoyed with both gems. Ruby had almost boiled me to death when she got into the pool, and Sapphire almost frozen me to death by freezing the whole room, including the bathroom. I was so fed up I went outside. That's when I saw the headlights of my dad's van shine on me. The van parked in front of me. My dad got out of the van, holding up a pizza box. “Hey, Stu-ball, I brought dinner!”

I tried to hold back my annoyance with the gems. “Hey dad, how'd it go?”

“Well, he wasn't an axe-murderer, so that was good. What are you doing outside in your bathing suit? And where's Garnet?” I moved to foot to foot, instantly my dad knew something was up, he looks in the room, and see Sapphire sitting on the bed.

“He's not gonna like that it's square ...” I heard Sapphire said calmly before my dad quickly closes the door and goes back outside where I am.

“Oh boy … Where's the other one?” So my dad knew that Garnet was a fusion? That's interesting. I wonder how much else he knows about the Crystal Gems.

“She's pacing around in what used to be the pool.” I told my dad as he sits down in the back of the van. I followed suit.

“Something pretty serious must be going on if it made Garnet split up. But hey! We can still have a good time!” my dad was sounding worried, but then it faded when he opens the pizza box, revealing it to be a square pizza.

“Square pizza?! What's wrong with this crazy state?!” Pizza that is square.  My life is over.

“Son, there will come a time in your life when you learn to accept all pizza.” There are tears in his eyes, and I sighed looking down at my hands.

“Why can't Ruby and Sapphire just ... make up?” It was getting so stressful. I hated to see two of my loved ones fighting, it was as bad as when Pearl and Garnet were fighting.

“Sometimes people that love each other can hurt each other's feelings, without meaning to. We should just give them some space.”

“But I think they'd work it out if they'd just talk to each other!” The moment I said those words I knew they weren't true. I tried multiple times trying to talk to my family about how I felt, and it didn't work. Not one bit, but I said those words anyway. Maybe if I said them enough people will understand what I mean, and then maybe the advice would work.

“Everything will be better in the morning. We'll all go to the best diner in the world, where we'll eat the best breakfast in the world!” I hope he was right because if he wasn't than his advice was just full of crap.

* * *

  **November 9 th, 2015**

**35 days left**

We were all sitting at the table in the diner dad told us about. I was playing with a spoon, my dad was whistling awkwardly, Ruby was leaning on the table, facing away from Sapphire, angrily tapping a finger. And Sapphire is sitting patiently as the waitress brings four meals to our table. “Hey!” My dad says, as the waitress hands everyone their food. “Thank you!” I mumbled a 'thanks' as well. I saw Ruby stare blankly at the plate in front of her. We all had the same thing, eggs and bacon shaped as smiling faces. “What's the matter? Not hungry?” Ruby looked up at him.

“Gems don't need to eat, dad.” I had told him.

“Eh ... Well Garnet likes to eat sometimes.”

“Argh! Well Garnet's not here!” Ruby throws herself against the booth seat and crosses her arms, wiggling a foot impatiently. Dad and I awkwardly begin to eat.

My dad was nervous as he spoke, “Mmm ... Oh boy, this really is "The Best Diner in the World"!” Ruby started to shake the table, looking furious.

“You're shaking the table.” Sapphire said something for the first time that morning.

“Oh?!” She punches the table, then continues shaking it. “Hah, I'm kinda surprised you felt anything at all, to be honest!”

“I didn't need to feel, I saw.”

“Eeeverything is just so ...” Ruby shakes the table more violently. “CRYSTAL. CLEAR. TO. YOU. ISN'T IT?!?!” She yelled at Sapphire. Dad and I frantically lift our food from the table, as Sapphire leaned over towards us.

“This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.”

“THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!” Ruby summons her gauntlet. “I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!” Ruby smashes the table, causing everything to fall. “You don't know me!”

“We always fuse. Look at you. Look at what you're going on about ...”

“You don't even know yourself! Hah!”

My dad was smiling nervously at me. “Hey, it's okay pal! We can still save this! Why don't we just bag them up to go, and-” I was done they weren't stopping and I didn't give a crap anymore. I took my plate and smash it onto the floor, before walking outside with tears in my eyes.

“Steven!” I heard Ruby and Sapphire's voice calling my name. I stopped and turned to look at them, tears in my eyes.

**(A/N: Now things start to get interesting. Okay, so I might go back and edit this more where it gets straight to the point, but at the moment, thank you for even getting this far, without getting bored of it.)**

“I was so happy when Garnet said she was gonna come on this trip with me and Dad!” Ruby and Sapphire look at each other, worried looks on their faces. “Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone's been acting awful too! It-It just came with us! I don't understand!” I looked to the ground watching my tears fall. “Is it- is it me?” Ruby was trying to say something, but I shook my head and turned around running into the forest that was behind us. I heard them calling my name as I ran. I didn't stop running until I couldn't run anymore because of the pain in my side. I knew I was far from the diner, as trees were all around me, casting the sun out and all, but darkness were there.

Maybe this was a terrible idea. I had no idea where I was at, no idea where I had to go to get back. I wiped the tears away from my face before falling on my knees almost screaming as a sharp pain went through my side. With all this movement I have been doing, even when the doctor warned me to stop being so active, it was straining the wound and making it take longer to heal. I laid there on the ground curled up in the ball, wishing I had a way out of this forest. “Hey, are you okay? Do you need help?” A deep voice loomed over me, and a dark shadow covered my face. I looked up to see a blue gem with bright pink cotton candy hair staring down at me. “Answer me, are you okay?”

I looked at him, and shook my head, tears were falling down my face. “No. I'm lost. Pissed off. And hurting.” I cried, I didn't know why I was telling a complete stranger all this. The Crystal gems told me to never talk to strangers that I didn't know, but the vibes I were getting from this guy, I felt like he was okay. He held out his hand and I grabbed it being pulled up by immense strength. He was tall, about an inch shorter than Garnet, but still very tall. He had a hiker's back pack on his back. “I'm Steven …” I told him, as I started to wipe the dirt and leaves off of me.

“I'm Matt Tourmaline. Nice to meet you, Steven. How old are you, kid? Where are you parents?” He started to ask me questions as he helped me take the dirt off of my clothes.

“I'm fourteen, I am visiting the state with my dad, and one of my guardians, but they were fighting. I couldn't take it anymore so I ran away. I have no idea where I am. What are you doing here?” I asked him as he stood back looking down at me. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“I am a loner. I just travel to place to place. I have traveled all around the world, this is the second time I have been to the United States. Do you want me to help you get back to your dad and friends? I thought I saw them not to far from here.” He told me, I stood there and thought about it. I wasn't feeling lost anymore, and I didn't want to go home right away. However, I didn't know I can trust the guy either. “Aw, you can trust me. You know. I won't hurt you. Like I said I saw them over there somewhere. A Ruby and A Sapphire right? I bet they aren't just some ordinary Ruby or Sapphire either huh? They are part of the Crystal Gems, right?” I stepped back and almost stumbled. He chuckled. “I am not a creeper. I swear. I used to be part of the Crystal gems in the first gem war. I have been alone since it ended.”

I took a step forward. “Okay, I trust you. Why have you been alone since then?” I asked him and he shook his head. “Not going to tell me?”

“No because I have a feeling it won't matter soon. Plus I feel like you have something you want to discuss. Something that is on your chest? Is that true?” Matt asked. I nodded and rubbed the back of my neck. “Do you want to discuss it?” Should I tell a complete stranger what was going on in my life? Maybe they can understand better than my own family. I nodded. “My camp area is not too far from here.” He held out his hand and I took it, as he leads me to his camp. We sat on logs opposite of each other.

“So, I am not fine.” Is how I started the conversation to a complete stranger that I had just met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you are probably thinking "Matt sounds like a fucking pedophile trying to lead a little boy more away from his family" And yes I totally agree that he sounds like that. I have a reason why he sounds like that though because he is trying to talk to a scare little boy. Anyway, you might also be thinking "Why was he just happened to be wondering around the woods when Steven is there?" Good question, you will find out in the second chapter. I am also in the back in my head was like Steven, did the gems ever tell you to not go with strangers that talk like that? For realz home dog don't do it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that most likely super boring some parts unnecessary chapter. Until next time - XDomoX


	8. Everything Will Be Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all I am back with another chapter of Angel of Yesterday, and no, Steven did not get murdered by Matt. I promise. xD Anyway, this is going to be a kind of confusing chapter in the beginning of it. So, just hold on until the end of it. And yes I accidentally might be on purpose turned this into Steven/Lapis. It wasn't my intentions at first then it kind of just grew. And I produced so much more ideas from this. Anyway, until the end notes. -XDomoX

**November 9th 2015**

**35 days left**

"So, I am not fine." Is how I started the conversation to a complete stranger that I had just met. I waited for the guy to talk or do something, but he just sat there, and moved his hand in a circular motion for me to go on. So, I told him everything that happened, and all my feelings that I have felt over the course. He sat there quiet nodding along with everything I was saying. I ended it with the fight that Ruby and Sapphire had. "So there you have it. I don't know what to do. They won't listen to me. Pearl hates me. No she resents me because I took my mom away from her. And I could have saved Lapis, we had time, but I didn't go back." Tears were starting to fall from my face once again. Matt stood up grabbing a handkerchief and handed it to me.

"I knew Lapis. I knew her for a brief time. It's a great grief to know she ended like that. Steven, you seem to be going through a lot. See we are all born pure, like blank canvases. However, at some point during our childhood development, we learn that some things don't come out as we plan them too. Like you didn't plan on your friend Connie getting hurt, but it was meant to happen. The moment we eat from this tree of knowledge, our shadows are born and we begin to divide ourselves." Matt spoke softly as he was trying to give me advice that I barely understood, but it seemed like it was helpful at the most. "You just need to try to talk to your family. Tell them how you are feeling. If they don't understand, try breaking it down, for them to understand."

I nodded and folded my hands in my lap. "So, I should try talking to them about how I feel. Break it down for them to understand. What if when I do break it down, they still don't understand me?" Matt thought about the question before answering.

"The truth is that we have both hands, not just one, and we must learn to use them in a balanced way if we seek to live a balanced life. You need to accept the fact that they might never understand what you are going through, Steven, because you are half gem and half human. You have human feelings that the gems won't understand. To overcome what you are feeling, you must overcome the fact that the gems might not be able to help you with what you are feeling. Find someway to balance your feelings. Like mediating, never hurt yourself. Hurting yourself, creates for pain, your mind doesn't understand what you are doing to your body. Hurting yourself doesn't solve anything. Find inner peace with yourself and you'll fine peace everywhere else." I sat there trying to take in all of this when I heard a voice calling my name.

I saw Garnet standing a little ways, we locked eyes before I waved at her. A look of relief washed over her face as she ran over. She picked me up and hugged me close to her chest. "Do not ever do that again, Steven, you had us scared to death." She held the back of my head as we hugged.

"Garnet, have you met my new friend, Matt Tourmaline? He said he was part of the Crystal Gems back in the first Gem War." I said cheerfully, turning my body still in her arms. My smile disappeared as Matt wasn't there, nor was any sign of a camp being there.

"Steven, who are you talking about? You were talking to yourself when I came here." No … that's impossible. I was just talking to somebody right here. What happened? "Did you fall when you were running?" I shook my head, shocked and scared. Who the hell, was I talking to then?

"No … no … there was this huge blue gem. Male too. With pink cotton candy hair. He was only an inch shorter than you, Garnet. He was just here when I waved to you." I was describing him as Garnet was walking through the woods with me in her arms. I was getting so frustrated.

We got to the clearing of the forest, before heading out, Garnet put me down getting to my level. “Steven, all gems are genderless, but none of them go by male pronouns or look like makes at all. You were just talking to yourself when I found you.” I ignored her talking as I saw Matt again, waving at me right behind Garnet. I smiled and waved back, before Garnet looked behind her. She looked back at me. “What are you waving at?” I looked back at the spot and Matt was gone again. I opened my mouth before closing it and sighing.

“Nothing. I was waving at nothing.” Maybe I should keep these things to myself. Everything will be okay, if I just keep my mouth shut. “Can I have a mandatory group meeting when we get home? Including dad? I have things to discuss.” Garnet nodded, and ruffled my hair. “Alright thank you.”

Garnet stood up to her full height. “And Steven, I am sorry for how Ruby and Sapphire acted.” I just nodded and grabbed her hand walking out of the clearing where we were met by my dad. He grabbed me up in my arms and hugged me, his hot tears shed on my shoulder. I was never going to run away again.

* * *

**November 10th, 2015**

**34 days left**

I waited until the next day to hold the meeting as Dad and I were tired from the trip. Garnet and Pearl still weren't talking to each other as they all sat down on the couch. Pearl was on Amethyst's lap, and Garnet was on the other side of the couch staying away from them as much as possible. My dad was uncomfortably in between the three. I stood on the other side of the coffee table and cleared my throat to get their attention. “T-Thank you for all coming to this get-together … I want to discuss some feelings that I have been having …” my palms were sweaty and I was really nervous. My throat was feeling like it was closing as well. I was almost forgetting what I was going to tell them.

The room was quiet as they all stared at me. I took a deep breath and continued what I was saying. “I must say that I haven't been that great of a son, or that great of a family member that is because I have been trying to fight the demons within me. What I am trying to say is that I am part human, I got through emotions that gems normally don't feel.” Tears were starting to well up in my eyes. “I mean, yes, gems do feel pain, and sadness. They do cry, and they do have to go through with things, but I mean, if you can tell, I haven't been eating too well at all.” I lifted up my shirt, to show the scar that was forming on my side, but you could also see I wasn't as chubby as I used to be. “When you go on missions, I take the time to try to cover up the pain I am feeling with more pain.” I unzipped my pants and pulled them down, leaving me in my boxers. They gasped at the scars and the cuts that covered my legs. “That's why I have a limp.”

“Steven …” Pearl was the first one to speak, but I held up a finger for her to be silent. I pulled my pants up and wiped the tears away from my eyes.

“This might sound crazy, but I feel like the feelings that I had for Lapis, they were more than what I normally feel for friends. She was more to me than meets the eye. And not going back to save her, torn me up. It ripped my heart in half. I felt like I was worthless, I felt like I was not worthy to be part of the famous Crystal Gems. I tried going for help, from my dad. I listened and went to talk to you all. However, things didn't work out. I came back to find out that I was just a resentment in all your eyes. I took away my mother, and that hurt you all so much. Especially, Pearl. I know Pearl, I know that you are still trying to get over the fact that I took Rose away. I know I can never be her, but I am willing to try the hardest I can.”

The looks on all their faces were all different. My dad's face seemed to be holding back tears as he listened to me talk. A look that he had no idea what I was going through and he thought I was the happiest person on earth. Pearl's face was filled with regret and shame, before she buried it  in Amethyst's shoulder. Amethyst's eyes were locked on my legs with a look of knowing. A look like she has been through the same pain. Garnet's face was unreadable. I could never figure out what she was thinking. “We had no idea, you were going through all this, Steven …” My dad tried to say and I held up my hand cutting him off.

“You all say that, but you saw how I was crying out for help. I told you multiple of times. You have been seeing the way I have been acting. Garnet saw the cuts on my legs the first time. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to end everything. I tried and that's how I got the scar on my side. I felt more like failure than ever when I didn't succeed then again when Connie got hurt on Halloween. It was all my fault. Lapis' death was my fault, and I feel like Pearl and Garnet fighting was my fault as well. I just want you two to talk it out. Be family, be friends again.”

I saw Pearl look at Garnet over my dad, her face was full of tears. “Garnet ... I'm sorry!” She says. “Things weren't supposed to turn out this way.” Garnet stayed quiet not even looking at Pearl, who sighed and wiped her tears away. “I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did ... I wanted to prove to you that ... that everything could go back to normal ... I didn't mean to make Steven feel like it was all his fault because we were fighting like this.”

Garnet finally looks back at Pearl, her visors were back on her face. “Catching Peridot won't make things go back too normal. This isn't about Peridot. And I'm sorry Steven, no offense, but this isn't about Steven either.” I shrugged.

My dad got up and walked over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, as Pearl sat in the middle of the two other gems, her hand was squeezing Amethyst's. “Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me!?” Garnet's expression changed to anger.

“You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!” Her voice was raising making Pearl shake against Amethyst as she wrapped her arms around her.

“I'm sorry! I ... I couldn't help myself!” She cried out, my dad whispered something in my ear something about 'I shouldn't be hearing this. I am going to sit outside.' He stood up and walked out of the door.

“I don't want to hear your excuses! All you ever give me is excuses, Pearl. Nothing is going to change. You used me. You tricked me. You know how I feel about fusions. I felt so naked, exposed. Just because you were feeling selfish.”

“But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you ... I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. I need someone to tell me what to do ... When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship, you're always together, I just ... I wanted to be a part of that.”

“You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think! I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. I … came … undone …” Tears were in Garnet's eyes as she continued to talk. “It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too. However, I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. You have an impact too. There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your own gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So, I can trust you again.”

“... I understand. I can't give up anymore!” Pearl said, and hugged Garnet, who hugged her back tightly. Amethyst looked away a hint of jealously on her face. Pearl pulled away from Garnet, and pulled Amethyst into her kissing her lips deeply. I looked away my cheeks heated up.

“Steven, take advantaged of the advice that was given here. It might help you a lot.” Garnet said who smiled at me and I nodded, I walked over to the front door and opened it stepping outside.

“Are they done talking in there?” asked my dad that was leaning against the railing. I nodded my head and leaned against it with him. “If you just come talk to me more, Steven, I would have helped you with so many things you were going through.”

“I know … but some things I just can't express well and I am –“ My head shot to the side as I saw something in my perceptual vision. Something blue, I saw a wave behind a rock, and bit of a blue laugh. I also heard a giggle that sounded so familiar to me. I stop  mid sentence on what I was going to say. I ran down the stairs and across the beach, hearing my dad call my name, I didn't turn back. I kept running until I turned the corner. Lapis Lazuli was standing right in front of me giggling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like there should be a cliff hanger here. And plus I am really tired, but I wanted to get in another chapter of the story. I know it is one of the shorter chapters. I apologize with this. However, you will love the next one. Even though heads up, it will be sad. Anyway, thank you so much for reading. I love all your support. It keeps me writing more. I will try to write some of the next chapter tonight and post it after school tomorrow. :D Until next time. -XDomoX


	9. Confronting Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously sorry for the late update. I have been so so very busy lately. I am going to try and update more, though. Enjoy the chapter. Until the end notes -XDomoX

**November 10th, 2015**

**34 Days Left**

Lapis Lazuli always seemed to be happy to see me. I stood there watching as she waved at me, before tilting her head to the side confused. "Are you not happy to see me?" She asked. I rubbed my eyes to see if I was imagining things when I reopened them, she was still there. "I'm real. As I can ever be." This can't be happening. I turned around, took a deep breath, cleared my mind and turned back around to still see her there.

"How are you here? You are in my room right now smashed into pieces." Lapis shrugged and started to make airplane noises and spread her arms running around like an airplane. Tears welled up in my eyes before laughing and doing the same. "Doesn't matter. I'm glad you are back. The gems would be so happy to hear that you are okay."

"Steven, what are you doing?" I stopped playing to be an airplane and looked at Pearl. She looked concerned. "Who are you talking too?" I looked around, Lapis wasn't around anymore. "I came out here to check on you, Greg, said you just ran off." Where did Lapis go? She did the same thing that the gem did back in the woods.

"I was playing airplane with Lapis. She was just here, Pearl. She's alive after all. I chased her down here, and we were playing airplane. It was great." I jumped up and down before stopping and wincing. I looked at Pearl's face, it was a mixed of confusion and worry. "You don't believe do you?" I asked. "You are just like Garnet. There was a male gem in the woods yesterday. He talked to me and gave me advice on how to deal with my demons. However, Garnet didn't see him either."

"I'm sorry, Steven. I would love to believe you, but … there was no one here when I came to get you …" She bit her lip, and I shook my head shrugging. I wasn't going to argue with her anymore, it wasn't going to get me anywhere. I know what I saw, and I believed what I saw. I walked past her, and around the rock, to find Lapis standing there waving before running away. I giggled, then it disappeared as I saw a girl knocking on our Beach House door. Amethyst answered and then pointed towards me. The girl turned around to show Connie staring at me. My heart stopped. I haven't seen her since Halloween.

We stood there our eyes locked in a deep stare. I felt a hand on my shoulder, lifting my head up, I looked at Pearl. She nodded and let me go. I started walking towards the beach house as Connie was walking down the stairs. We met halfway, a couple of inches part we stared at each other. Not one of us spoke a word. It was an uncomfortable silence, I wanted to tell her I was so sorry I couldn't save her. And that it was all my fault that she got hurt in the first place. Before I knew it, she had flung her arms around my neck pulling me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist, laying my cheek on the side of her head. "I'm so so sorry ..." I whispered.

I felt her shake her head back and forth in a small motion as we just stood there and hugged each other. "Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry about, Steven. I missed you so much." She whispered in my ear, my cheeks heated up and I was speechless. She giggled and pulled away kissing my cheek.

"I missed you too. I tried coming by to see if you were okay, but your mom wouldn't let me see you." I told her. And she nodded before looking behind her. She looked like she was watching out for somebody. "Are you okay, Connie? Is there anything you want to tell me?" She looked at me before shaking her head.

"I have to go, Steven. I would love to stay, but I had ditched school to see you. However, I have to get back for my next period before I get in trouble." She kisses me on the cheek before running away and waving goodbye. I waved back, feeling empty that she had to go so soon.

**Later That Night**

The house was quiet, everybody was in their rooms, along with me. However, I wasn't alone, I was under the covers with a flashlight, and no other than Lapis Lazuli. I giggled. "For real, though, Earth isn't so bad if you have friends. Lately, I feel like I have no one, and no one believes that you are still here, or that Matt guy from the woods. I have been feeling so lonely." My giggles stop and I looked down at my hands. A blue one clasped one of mine and squeezed, I looked up and saw Lapis smiling at me.

"Steven, they don't have to believe. They kept me locked up in a mirror, they knew I was there and they didn't anything about it. Their minds are different from ours. It's okay that they don't believe you because I believe you. I'm here, right?" Lapis squeezed my hand and I smiled nodding. "However, I have to go. It's almost morning." She kissed my forehead and got out from underneath the cover fort. By the time I got the sheets off of me, she was gone.

Sighing, I snuggled back into my bed feeling a little lonely once again. I wish she would have stayed longer. I would have talked to her all the way until morning. I closed my eyes ready for sleep to overcome me when a hand covered my mouth. I opened my eyes to see Peridot looking down at me through her yellow visors. I screamed, but it was muffled by the hand. I started to struggle when she took me to the warp pad. I was scared, my heart was beating and I didn't know what she wanted with me. We had made it to the galaxy pad, why were we here? "Aargh, let me go!" I screamed the moment she took her hand off of my mouth.

"Enough of this!" Peridot had shouted in my face before setting me down before I had a chance to respond she pointed a finger at me and a shot of blue light came towards me making me hover in the air. She moved her finger making me move and hover over the Homeworld Gem warp pad.

"What do you want from me?" I shrugged to ask, moving my flailing arms and legs around, as I hovered. Peridot walked over to where I was at.

"I want to get off this lousy gem-forsaken planet!" She practically screamed at me, before she disabled her tractor beam and made me fall to the ground. Her disembodied fingers had shaped into an arrow and points to the warp pad that we were on. "You have to fix this." She demands.

"Wait, what?" I asked confused. Like why did she want me to fix it?

"You're my last chance. I've got no Flask Robonoids. I've got no foot! I've got no response from Yellow Diamond!" She had breathed in and out. "I know you fixed Lazuli's gem. Whatever you did, you've got to do it to the Homeworld Warp!" She clicked something with her arm, and a glow imitated inside of it. "Or else!" she threatened.

"Oh- oh- okay, just give me a second! My mouth gets really dry when I'm scared." My mouth was pretty dry, but I managed to get some saliva up and lick my left palm. "Here goes!" My palm hits the warp pad with a wet smack sound, but nothing happens at all. I saw Peridot look around confused, I knew it wasn't going to work. I haven't had my healing powers for a little while now.

"What was that?! It didn't do ANYTHING!" I looked down feeling like a failure. It was a feeling that never truly goes away. And it hurt to know I couldn't do anything right.

"It ... doesn't always work." I hesitantly said looking up at the green gem.

"No ..." She shook her head showing exasperation. "No no no no no! It HAS TO WORK!"

"I'm really sorry ..."

Peridot laughs, sitting down. Her arms curl around her legs and looks up plaintively. "This was it ... This was my last shot!" She breathes in sharply. "I'm gonna die here! Noooooh, oh-"

"Hey, hey- come on! Earth isn't that bad ..." It really wasn't when you had friends and people that love you. Maybe Peridot would want to be my friend and we won't be lonely anymore.

"It doesn't matter what Earth is like! It's not going to be like anything soon!"

"What do you mean?" I asked before I was cut off by the sound of one of the warp pads being activated and the Crystal Gems were in the room. Peridot got up in a hurry running away from me.

"There he is!" Pearl hugs me when she got to me, I was tense before hugging her back. She pulls away noticing my tenseness. "What happened?!" Amethyst and Garnet approach the both of us.

"Ahh, you're okay!" Amethyst said patting my head.

"Peridot!" Garnet yelled at the running Peridot.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" She yelled as she shoots three blasts at the Crystal gems in quick successions from her arm. The Crystal Gems dodge and continue running towards Peridot, who was spinning her left fingers like a propeller to fly away. Unfortunately, Amethyst caught Peridot with her whip. "Hah!" Screamed Peridot as she shoots electricity down through the whip, Amethyst let's go, but immediately Garnet grabs the whip with her right hand in a gauntlet. She stops the green electricity, then shoots reddish electric shocks up the whip shocking Peridot.

"Not this time." She grunts and jerks the whip downwards, crashing Peridot to the ground. I gasped shocked at the immense strength she had, and I was hoping Peridot was okay. I wanted her to be my new friend. There was dust everywhere so I couldn't see if she was okay or not.

Then I heard coughing then an angry grunt. "Wait, wait ... you- you need me!" I heard her say before I wanted to scream out to her seeing that Pearl was sneaking up behind her with her spear drawn. I kept my mouth shut not wanting to sound like a traitor. "I'm ... the only one who knows ABOUT THE -" Peridot turns around to see Pearl, Garnet comes up and grab her. She poofs instantly. Peridot's limb enhancers fall to the ground and once again I was out of a friend because of the Crystal Gems.

"What on Earth?" Pearl asked confused as she looks down at the limb enhancers. I felt really sad as I looked down at them standing next to the gems.

"Ugh, sick, there're bits of her all over." Amethyst made a fake gagging noise.

"Nope, she's right here." Garnet bubbles Peridot's gem and sends her off. I looked down at my hands feeling sad over this. She just wanted off this planet, like Lapis did. "And now she's in the temple."

* * *

**November 11th, 2015**   
**33 days left**

"It's weird, you know?" I was sitting under the massive chunk of rock that mold the hand of the temple. I was inside of its palm, with Lapis beside me. We were both watching the tides of the early morning come on the beach and then be swept away back into the ocean. "It's weird that I had felt lonely when Garnet had bubbled Peridot. I know you resent her, I feel you judging me this moment. You don't understand, though, when do you ever see me hang out with anyone, Lapis?" I looked at her and she had her dull expression, but I could tell she was biting her lip from saying something. I sighed. "She captured you and brought you back to earth, even though all you wanted to do was go home. I understand all of this. And I know you hate her. I understand that as well. However, she wanted to tell us something; the Crystal Gems. Something about the Earth. I want to know what that is. Maybe if she tells me, then we can become friends, and I won't be lonely anymore."

I heard shuffling next to me, looking beside me I saw Lapis get on her knees and put her hands on her lap. "I don't think it's a very good idea. She is a Homeworld gem, like me, Steven. We have different … _opinions_ … then the people of Earth. No offense, but us Homeworld Gems just think this is another planet that we can rule and build more gems. She won't understand. So, it's not a very good idea to try to talk to her and become her friend."

I was going to answer when I saw a male with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder walking towards us. As he got closer I noticed it was the same male from the forest, he waved at us, and I watched Lapis wave back. "Ah, Lapis, I see you are not crushed. Long time no sees." Matt said and sat down next to her with his bag in his lap. "Nice to see you, Steven." He held out his callous blue hand for a shake, which I took gratefully and shook it. "Ah, you have a grip like a man. Very good. Very good." I giggled and shrugged before putting my hands down in my lap again. "I see, you have a conflicting thought."

"I was telling him that it isn't a good idea to let out a certain Homeworld gem bubbled in the temple. An Era two Peridot. The one who took me away from my home and put me back down on this miserable planet." I sighed feeling overwhelmed with emotions. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help her, but I also knew that he wasn't a good idea to do it. It was, however, grinding at me. It grinding me up in the finest of pieces. Matt ran his hand through his cotton candy hair, nodding. 'I see. It's up to Steven on what he thinks is right. I mean, I understand the whole situation where you are coming from Lapis. However, you are just being bitter from it all. You are bitter that Peridot took you from your home you worked so hard to get back. Let Steven think of this by himself." Matt said reasonably before Lapis punched him in the arm glaring at him. "What it's the truth."

Standing up, I stretched my arms high above my head. "I think I decided what I am going to do. Thank you for helping you two." However, I didn't get a response the two already disappeared they needed to stop doing this to me. It was getting pretty old. "Thanks, you two." I rolled my eyes and walked back to the temple, the gems were all sitting around on the couch looking highly suspicious. I narrowed my eyes. "Were you all spying on me?" I asked them.

Pearl was the one that gave them away. Her cheeks went a dark blue and she stood up once I noticed her. "Yes, Steven, we were. We are worried, you keep sneaking off, and then start to talk to yourself. We have asked Greg to set up an appointment for you to talk to a human they like to call a therapist. We might expect that you were affected by the events that have been going on more than you have been trying to tell us." I looked stunned at her. What? I shook my head and ran my hand through my mass of curls.

"I don't need a therapist. And I don't talk to myself, I talk with my friends. Matt and Lapis. Just like now. Didn't you see Matt come over to me and sat down? That's who I was talking too." I was now questioning my own insanity. Were they right? Was I just talking to myself this whole time? Was Matt just a creation of my imagination? Lapis, did she get crushed underneath the ship? And I was just imagining her being here with us? Is that why they always disappeared when the Crystal Gems were around? I shook my head again. "No. No. No. They are real. I talk to them, they help me cope with what I am going through." They really did help me. "You all don't understand! You are not even humans, let alone real! You are aliens, from a different planet. A manifestation of light. Do you realize what I even go through?" The moment I said those words I regretted every bit of it.

Pearl's eyes started to water, and a hand on her mouth as she stared down at me. Amethyst got up quickly and ran to her partner. "Hey, shh, it's okay. Don't worry about it. He didn't mean it, did you, Steven?" Amethyst asked. I stood there lost for words. I didn't know if I did mean it or not. Garnet stood up and towered over me.

"Steven, to your room now. You are grounded until further noticed." I looked up at her, anger boiled inside me now, covering up the regret that I once felt. I shook my head.

"No. I'm not," I said and pushed passed them over to the temple door. "I'm sorry, but I'm not following orders. You all think I am crazy and need a therapist. However, it's you. You don't understand. They are real and I will prove it. I just wish I had a place to think this over, without any way of you up my ass." Then the temple door open to show Rose's room, think god that actually worked. I walked inside letting the door shut, just as Garnet ran up to it.

I looked around the pink clouded room and took a deep breath. I then fell to my knees and started to cry. I cried because I didn't know if I was still me or if I was going insane. I cried because I made Pearl cry while I was being stupid. I cried because I couldn't take this pain anymore. It was too hard for me. Everything. I lost my only friend because she got hurt while she was out with me trick-or-treating. I lost somebody close to me because I wasn't strong enough to go back and save her. I lost my family for being an ass. I lost everything and everyone.

My body tensed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. My head lifted up to see Lapis and Matt there. I scooted away from them shaking my head. "You are all in my head. You are not real. Just go away!" I was expecting them to go away. Like the room would make them go away or something, but they just stared at me. Concerned. "Why aren't you leaving?" I screamed at them.

"We are not leaving because you don't really want us to leave." It was Matt that spoke, he sat down on a pink floating cloud, his legs crossed, and his messenger back on the side of him. "You want us around, so we are here. You want somebody to hold you and tell you everything will be okay. I am your voice inside your head, Steven, I am always here." I curled up in a ball and shook my head, just wishing they would leave me alone. A hand touched me again, and I went to slap it away when it grabbed my hand. I looked to see Lapis holding it.

"Don't listen to him, Steven. The Crystal Gems, love you. Even if they don't understand, and even if I do not like them one bit. However, I understand where they are coming from. They want to help you because they love you. I want to help you because I love you. Do not do what you are thinking." What was I thinking? How did she know what I was thinking?

"Stop telling me what to do! You are dead, and you are not ever coming back. I couldn't save you, I couldn't save Connie, I'm a failure and you all know it. That's why you are here. M-maybe if I can just end it all, then I can be with you." Something popped up and dropped to the floor. "No, room, I know that won't help. Open a door to the rest of the temple please!" I called. A door appeared a little bit away from us. I got back onto my feet and ran over to the door, I heard Lapis call after me as I jumped down. It was now or never. To stop them from following me. To leave me alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what the hell happened at the end of this. I was writing this chapter over a course of a few days, but the ending of it was from today, and I have a huge headache. So, if most don't make sense, I am very sorry. I will go back when I feel a little better and rewrite some things and edit it more thoroughly. However, just at the moment you have to deal with this chapter that I have mixed feelings for. Thank you for waiting such a long time for this update. Also, do you want Peridot more in the story or not? Please vote down below. Once again, I am so sorry about this chapter. I will go back and relook over it when I feel a little bit better. Until next time - XDomoX


	10. Second Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you didn't know already, Matt and Lapis are actually hallucinations. They are not real. xD That's why Matt is a male gem. I just want to make that clear. I try to put hints in the text, but I feel like most of you didn't get that. Anyway, that's why the others couldn't see them. Steven is slowly going insane with everything going on. He is trying to fight it, but with his depression, Suicidal thoughts, and I think he might have PTSD from Jailbreak I don't know yet, I am still thinking about it. His mind is just slowly tearing apart. So with that I hope you like this somewhat depressing chapter. Until the end notes (Oh I am also sick, so the updates will be more slowed than usual.) -XDomoX

**November 11th, 2015**

**33 days left**

They were everywhere I turn, around every corner. I could hear them echoing off the walls. One was laughing and making sneer comments, the other trying to reason with me. I figured out who they were as I ran down the corridor of the temple. One was my reasoning, the other was the voice inside my head telling me to end it all. That voice where it tells you you're not good enough in this world? Yeah that one. Anyway, I didn't know where I was going, the walls be a blur as I ran. I never have been this far into the temple before and it was a little frightening.

I skidded to a stop as I got to the edge of a drop off. I could see the bottom, but I couldn't tell how far down it was, but there was something moving down there. I didn't know what though. However, I knew it was some drop down. I looked down the edge before sitting down, my legs dangling off. It was somewhat peaceful just sitting here, thinking just one slip and everything would be over. “You could do it you know,” Matt's voice rang through my ears. I looked to the side to see him there. It was no use running from the two as they always know where I am. “You can scoot your butt right off this edge and fall to your death, crack your gem or even drown.” It was true. Not all my gem powers have activated yet, so I was still pretty much human. And if I landed on my stomach I would most likely crack my gem.

I scooted a little bit closer to the edge of the cliff. Was I really thinking about doing this? Was I in that much pain to try to end my life for the second time? I was a 14 year old boy attempting suicide for the second time. I wasn't mentally there. I could feel my mind tearing apart every day. The thoughts that ran through my mind never seem to cease. I felt like nobody can help me now, nothing ever makes me happy. I sound like a complaining baby, right now don't I? And a record machine. All I do is repeat myself over and over, and feel sorry for myself.

Because when things go poorly, they go horribly, horribly wrong. You wanted to know why, right Well, that's why. It's all really just that simple. I was damned from birth and no matter how long I run, how hard I hide, how smart I keep, my past is my present is my future. And it's such a short future at that. I am not a bad person. I don't know if I'm a good person, but I know I'm not a bad one. I've met the bad ones. I know the bad ones. The bad ones own me. Thirsty. So thirsty. Dry mouth, aching stomach, scratchy throat, itchy skin. Thirsty.

Looking down once again, I could see water more clearly, as it crashed against the rock cliff. “Do it. It won't hurt. Water doesn't hurt. It will sting, but it won't hurt. Let the water fill your lungs up. Let it take every last breath you have, Steven.” I heard Matt whisper in my ear edging me on. I scooted closer to the edge, now some of my ass hanging off. So close, so close. “Do it.” He whispered more harshly, until I did. My stomach dropped down, as I fell. My breath was taken away from me, and my hair was sticking up trying to take hold of gravity. I went under the water feet first, my eyes were closed as I felt a stinging of the cold water on my cheeks. So cold, but it felt good as I kept sinking. I wonder how deep this was.

_I hurt myself today_  
_To see if I still feel_  
_I focus on the pain_  
_The only thing that's real_

I open my mouth, and take a gulp before it registers in my mind that I'm starting to panic that I couldn't breathe. Why did I do this? This was a horrible thing to do. I can barely swim. I flutter my arms as I started to thrash around, my lungs were burning and bubbles were all around me. The water tastes not right and makes my stomach cramp, but I gulp again and again until I choke. I needed air, I looked up and the light was fading as I went down. Spots covered my eyes as I started to lose consciousness, then somebody jumped in, I didn't know who, as my eyes closed and I stopped fighting for survival.

Where was I? I looked around and everything was pink. It almost looked like I was inside Lion's mane. Pink grass or fur or whatever it was, blew to the side as if there was a wind, but I didn't feel anything. I heard giggling, looking to the side I saw Lapis waving to me from the distance. She looked so happy and at peace. Then, I saw her. Rose Quartz. She didn't look happy though. She looked like she was frowning. I took a step forward, it was hard like a barrier was trying to hold me in place. I opened my mouth to say something, but what came out was coughing no words. “Steven, please wake up.” I heard a voice, Rose's lips were moving, but I knew that wasn't her voice. It sounded so much more distant. “Steven! Come on lil'man.”

Everything disappeared, falling away like puzzle pieces being torn apart. The voices seem closer now, and something was pushing down on my chest. Then, air blowing down my throat and into my lungs feeling them up. My eyes open as I started to cough and somebody helped me up into sitting position my arms raised as I coughed up liquid. Water. I was coughing back up water. I didn't die, I didn't drown. However, I was soaking wet and cold. “Thank god, you're awake.” It was Pearl's voice from behind me, she sounded scared and worried with the sound like she has been crying. Looking to the side of me, Amethyst was the one who was holding me up right, her eyes were full of tears.

“Why did you save me?” I asked quietly before coughing up some more water from my lungs that still ached from the strain of trying to breathe. It was silent as the gems stared at me. “If I wanted to be saved, then I wouldn't have done it … you should have just let me drown.” I pushed Amethyst's arm off of me and wrapped my own around my legs. I rest my head on my knees. “I mean thank you for saving me and all ...” A hand went on my shoulder and I looked up to see Garnet looking down at me.

“Amethyst saved you because we love you, Steven. We don't want anything to happen to you. I am sorry we don't understand human feelings that often. We're sorry that we want to understand, but it is difficult for us too. We know you are in pain. However, ending your life is only solving a temporary problem.” She whispers and gets down on her knees pulling me into a hug, her body was warm against what I now noticed my shivering body. I wrapped my arms around her trying to take in all the warmth I can get. We were joined by Pearl and Amethyst in a giant family hug.

 _The needle tears a hole_  
_The old familiar sting_  
_Try to kill it all away_  
_But I remember everything_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my shortest chapter yet and is going to be my last short chapter. I don't like making short chapters to be honest. However, I felt like this was all I can put in this chapter. What I want to put in the next chapter, it won't work for this. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D Until next time, I am writing chapter 11 now. And kill me now for using chapter like seven times. xD Also again I apologize for the short update I know you have been waiting, but I am sick and I felt like this was decent enough for an update. Oh! And tell me how you like the almost draining scene was it realistic enough? If not how do you think I should make it realistic? Let me know in the reviews.-XDomoX


	11. Culling of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with another chapter to make it up to the short one. Anyway, for the past couple of days my battery had taken a dump and I couldn't write at all unless I had my charger in. However, if my charger pulled out then my laptop would die having me loose my work so I just stopped writing. Now, I have a new battery and will be able to post. Not as often as I have been, but I will post. Don't worry. As well, for the people who read Two Different Worlds its on hold for right now as I lost interest and will be rewriting it after I am done rewriting Ruins of Dusk. Thanks! Anyway, until the end notes. -XDomoX

**November 18, 2015**

**26 days left**

My first appointment was three days ago, they put me on Anti-depressants, after diagnosing me with depression. They also diagnosed brief psychotic disorder, which is a disorder that is triggered by extreme stress, such as a traumatic accident or loss of a loved one. That would explain the hallucinations that I have been having with "Matt" and "Lapis." I don't have them anymore which I am glad for, but it kind of feels like I lost something within me again. "Steven, don't forget to take your pill today." Pearl called down in the kitchen. 'Come down here, I'll get you a glass of milk to help the pill go down." I was playing some video games when she called up to me, pausing the game, I grabbed the pill bottle next to my bag grabbed a pill and walked down to the kitchen. I stuck the pill in my mouth and took a drink of the milk. "Open your mouth, and lift your tongue." I did. "Good boy. If you need one of us, we'll be in the temple." She told me, once she was out of sight I reached in my mouth and took the pill out.

I found a way to hide the pill without her knowing. I wasn't going to take these. There was no point. Plus the aftertaste was disgusting. I took the last drink of my milk and stuck the cup in the sink. I didn't know what to do, then my mind starts to wander to Peridot. How long has it been since we capture her? Why was she so scared? What was she going to say? Now she's deep in the temple in a bubble and I'll never know. If I could just talk to her for one more second ... my gem started to glow and mom's door opened to reveal her room. Yes, thank you. I hoped over there walking into the pink cloud full room. I made sure I did a full 360 to look around seeing if any of the hallucinations were here. Nope nothing.

Good, good. "Room, I need to go to the basement. The real basement! I know there's a way down from here!" Some of the clouds part showing the Crystal Heart's Vein leading down to the basement of the temple. "Thank you!" I ran over to the hole and jumped down grabbing hold of the vein and sliding down it. "Woo! Yeah!" I flew off the pole. "Triple 550 Deluxe with no cheese!" I landed on my face. Ouch. I thought as I got up with a slight limp. "Yep, perfect landing." I said a little strained. I looked around at the array of bubbles, looking for a specific one. "There we go!" I climbed up the vein towards Peridot's gem. "Gotcha! Whoa!" I fell back to the floor, the bubble pops and Peridot regenerates in front of me.

"-the Cluster, you insufferable half-formed traitor mega-clods!" The Peridot in front of me looked way different without her enhancers. Peridot wiggles her fingers realizing that her limb enhancers are gone. She was actually really cute and small. I giggled.

"Hey, okay calm down, Peridot. I am not going to hurt you so you don't need to freak out." I raised my hands up in surrender. "Look, I came down here because I wanted to know is back at the Warp Pad, what were you trying to say? Why do we need you? What do you know?" I asked her, she looked around and freaked out a bit before looking back at me.

"What do I know? Everything there is to know about the Cluster, you pebble." Peridot said acting like I was the dirt on her sock feet. I rolled my eyes ignoring her tone in her voice.

"Cluster? Wait, "pebble"?"

She ignored what I said and continued talking. "My mission. The reason that I'm on this sad rock in the first place! I was to check progress on the Cluster! Just in and out, before it hatches. I wasn't supposed to get stuck here! But now it's going to emerge and nothing can stop it, and we'll all be shattered!"

"Okay, okay, wait, slow down. Now, from the top ... emerging, hatching, Clusters?" I raised my hands and put them in a downward motion, trying to make her slow down.

"You wanna know?"

"Yes."

"What's on your shirt?" She points to my pajamas, I was so confused until she flicks my face and ran away. Peridot ran out of the temple laughing manically and I followed her. They were going to see her, and they were going to blame me that she escaped. Well, it was my fault, but I didn't want to hear that from them. "Freedom is mine!" She yells, before stopping and slowly turning to face Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst at the kitchen bar. Peridot was stuttering as she was pointing to the ceiling. "Look! Over there! Another planet to betray." Garnet summons her gauntlets and Amethyst ate the whole pizza box she was holding in one gulp. She was shaking in fear. "Retreat!" She yells as she tries to run to the front door, but Pearl and Garnet blocked her way.

Peridot scampered up the stairs, where Amethyst was waiting for her on my bed. She summoned her whip, which scared Peridot and made her fall back onto the floor. She then ran to the bathroom and locks the door. "You may have won the war, but the battle isn't over, Crystal Clods!" She laughs behind the door.

* * *

**November 13th, 2015**

**24 Days Left**

I continue stirring my soup as I heard the roar of the thunder outside the beach house, looking over at the window I watched the heavy rain hit against the panel of glass. The Gems just left to investigate some things, while Peridot refused to still come out of the bathroom. It was so very awkward having to use it while she was in there. Thunder strikes again, when I heard the bathroom door slam against the wall, and Peridot running out. She went face first into another wall across from her. "It's happening!" She shouted obviously scared. I turned down the stove and put a lid on it as I walked over to the scared Peridot.

"What?" I asked confused. What was happening? The storm outside.

"THE CLUSTER!"

"Really?"

"What else could be making that horrible-" there was thunder once again. "AHHHHH! It's pounding on the Earth from the inside! This is it, this is THE END OF THE WORLD!" Peridot cries and whimpers as she ran over to the couch and hides under the cushion. I laughed a little.

"It's just thunder, Peridot. There is nothing to be scared of. It happens almost every time it rains. I am guessing with the confused look on your face that you don't know about rain?" She looked at me like I was stupid or something from under the cushion until she jumped up and pointed a finger at me.

"I don't know _anything_ without my screen." She said accusingly. I kind of felt bad for her, like we took all her stuff away and now she just felt empty. Like me. I felt empty and even if I got my stuff back, I wouldn't feel complete anymore.

I nodded and motioned her to follow me over to the stove, where the pot was there. "I-It's okay. Here, pretend this soup is the ocean. When the sun warms it up, water evaporates into clouds, like this steam." I opened the cooking pot by lifting up the glass lid, and releasing the steam from inside. "However, when the clouds get really heavy, it rains." I explained.

"So, scalding liquid pours down from the sky?" Peridot asked non convincingly. I shook my head sighing, putting back on the lid of the pot to keep the soup warm.

"No, no i-it's just water, it can't hurt you. Here, why don't I just show you?" I walked over to the front door of the beach house and opened it getting a gush of wind from the outside. It felt nice from the warmth that was inside. I ran outside into the rain instantly getting drenched and not regretting it. "Come on! Look, I'm okay, it's just water! This is just something that happens on Earth! Isn't it cool?!" It felt so good on my hot skin as I fell into the mud, I was happy for once, just for a few seconds and it was the greatest feeling ever. Peridot reaches her hand out into the rain, but pulls back when she was hit by a rain drop, then tries again stepping into the rain. "Yay! You did it! What do you think? Isn't pretty cool?" I laughed.

"It was ... something. Hmmm, ehhh hmmm. Sssteven..?" I looked at her as she was trying to stay something, of course I was still in the mud because I liked how it felt between my fingers. "I'm going to say something." She takes a deep breath. "Thank you … for explaining this "rain" business to me." She smiles and my stomach flipped knowing I just made a friend for the first time in a long time.

“No, problem, how about we go back into the house to warm up.” That's what we did, I got on knew warm clothes, and helped Peridot dry herself off. We were sitting on the couch, with the lights dimmed and a cup of hot chocolate in my hands. “Peridot, what exactly is the cluster?” I asked her. She looks up from her hands, and her eyes narrowed. “I am just curious.” I took a sip of my hot chocolate burning my taste buds.

Peridot fiddled with her hands before speaking. “I would show you know if I had all my enhancers, but I don't. However, all of my logs up to date 6 5 2 still exist, backed up in Facet Five of the prime Kindergarten! If you can just take me there I'll show you.” She saw that I hesitated as I put down my mug on the coffee table. “Steven, don't you want to know about the cluster?” I did what to learn about the cluster, but I didn't think it was a good idea to take a Homeworld Gem to the Kindergarten.

I sighed and stood up grabbing my mug, I walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a traveling mug. It was a Cookie Cat one. Dumping the remaining hot chocolate in the cup, I rinsed out the mug, setting it back up in the cupboard. The house was silent as Peridot waited my answer. “Under one condition, you have to hold my hand the whole time we are there. Just so I know you won't try to run away on me. Understand?” I asked her watching her jump of the couch nodding quickly. We walked over to the warp pad, Peridot's hand in mine and my other hand holding the cup of hot chocolate.

 We made it to the Kindergarten, managing to not spill my hot chocolate on the way there. I looked around as we stood on the warp pad. The Prime Kindergarten is a vast, foggy canyon with numerous holes carved out of the dark, dull purple rock faces; which are the "birthplaces" of many Gems. Injectors dot the landscape, some of which have fallen to the ground and have been destroyed. It was eerie, and Peridot was getting impatient at me just standing here. I took a drink of the hot chocolate which had cooled down a bit. “Are we just going to stand here all day? Or are we going to go?” She pulled me along and we fell off the edge of the platform screaming as we went down. 

We both hit the ground, I had managed to keep a hold of Peridot's hand, but I had lost my traveling cup somewhere. I sat up and turned my head to see it shattered and the remains of my drink sinking into the rock. I sighed. That was great. I actually made a good cup of hot chocolate without burning it, and it got wasted. “This place just gets worse, every time I come here.” I grumbled getting up, and pulling her up with me.

Peridot started to pull me along, and we walked. “I know. It's been so poorly managed. It must have been in far better shape when you first emerged.” What was she talking about? Did she really think I emerged from this piece of dump? That was funny. “You're some kinds of quartz, right? You must have been made here.” We had stopped walking so I can look at her properly.

I shook my head, giggling. “I came from my mom and dad.” I told her, the look on her face told me she was confused at what I said.

What she said confirmed my suspicions. “Are those some kinds of rocks? Or another planet?” I chuckled.

“Nope. My dad is from Earth, but my mom's a Gem.” I lifted up my shirt to show her the pink Rose Quartz on my stomach in place of a belly button.

“You're some sort of ... hybrid? How is that possible?”

“The answer to that is a story I like to call, "The Ballad of Rose and Greg".”

She seemed very uninterested in that as she pulled me along without saying another word. I rolled my eyes as I followed. Our hands still intertwined. I wasn't going to have her go out of my sight any time soon. The gems had put me in charge of watching her, and that was what I was going to do. We entered the Prime Kindergarten control room. The room is a large, green hexagonal shape. The back wall contains the power source, which appears to be a gemstone. A green pedestal, sits near the center of the room, it has Yellow Diamond's insignia on the palm.

“I'm going to have to remove this panel and do a bit of work to restore power to this room, sooo ... can I have my hand back now?” I had forgotten that I was holding her hand in the process, when I let go of her. My palm was sweating. I wiped my hand on the side of my pants, watching Peridot walk over to the panel. It beeps, and Peridot grunts trying to get it off, but cannot lift it. “It's over ... I can't show you anything. Let's go back.” I shook my head walking over to her. I grabbed the panel, lifting it off with ease. The look on her face was made of shock and a hint of jealous.

Peridot begins to rummage around in the controls behind the panel. The control room then buzzed to life. When powered, the edges of the room glow neon yellow, and tinted green, but the light was dimmed this time. “It's not perfect, but it'll do for now.” I dropped the panel, and Peridot groans as she couldn't reach the gem pedestal. “I can't quite reach the--” I picked Peridot up and put her on my shoulders, making her able to reach the pedestal. Peridot presses a button and the height of the structure reduces, having me put her back down on the ground.

She clears her throat, and places her hand on the structure in the center. The structure begins to flow, and a plethora of a gem shards are shown on the room's screens. I stared in awe. “These are the early attempts at artificial fusion. We were growing them here at this very site, but these were just prototypes for the final product.”

The screen projects a globe, a marker displayed around the East Coast of North America. “A singular, giant, artificial fusion, composed of millions of Gem Shards. The Cluster.” I tensed up at what she said, it took me a moment to respond. I was letting the information sink into my skin.

“Peridot, you're saying ... there's a giant, mutant Gem the size of the Earth under us right now?” I clenched and opened my fists.

Peridot raised her hand in rejection. “Oh, no, when it forms, it'll be much, much bigger than the Earth. Right now, it lies dormant, incubating in the Earth's core, but when it emerges and takes its physical form, it will destroy the planet.” The Earth is shown to grow large and pop, the Cluster forming its physical form. I stare at it with great concern. “The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster.” She clenches her fist and I start to sweat. “I thought it was impossible, but we have a chance. It's you, Steven.” She told me before we walked out of the control room, and back out into the Kindergarten. “Now that you are filled in, we can get back to work!”

“Uhh, how am I supposed to help?” I was confused, how could I help stop a cluster that I knew little to nothing about.

“Well, you have all the information that we need about earth and it's erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the cluster and we just might be able to stop it!” Peridot was excited and I wanted to face palm. She didn't understand at all.

“No Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.” I told her, and she looked confused, I sighed. “I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then, Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.”

“Well I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.” I rolled my eyes.

“Sure, but none of its going to help us! If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.”

”I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom or whatever you call it and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this "Dad" for help, right?” We heard a screech from the distant, and we both jumped, our eyes wide with fear as we looked around to try to find out who made the sound.

“Oh no! Gem mutants!” I yelled, seeing six foot gem mutant. I noticed it only used four of them as arms. Two of the feet are dark purple and the rest of its body is dull red. On the bottom it has a vertical mouth that opens to reveal a single eye. It also has a dull yellow arm as a tail. I instantly made a bubble shield around me, and Peridot. The gem mutant screeches again, as we rolled around the kindergarten not knowing where to go. Peridot was yelling in my ear the whole time as more mutants showed up. A Gem monster pounces on my bubble, pushing down on it.

“Hang on, Steven!” My eyes lit up as I heard Garnet's voice. I watched Pearl stab the monsters as Amethyst smashes them, and Garnet attacks the gem mutant that was in front of Peridot and Me.

“Peridot, there's no way we can stop this thing in the Earth on our own. We need the help of the Crystal Gems.” I said determined, we were going to get the Crystal gems help if she liked it or not. I heard Pearl ask him I was alright. I nodded before getting pushed to the side by Peridot.

“Peridot?” Amethyst asked.

“What are you two doing here?” Pearl sounded upset, and I felt terribly guilty.

“Steven, I thought I told you to keep an eye on her.” Garnet sounded disappointed. I opened my mouth to say something, but Peridot cut me off.

“He did what he was told.” Peridot gazes at me, then back at the Crystal Gems. “Alright, listen up you clo- nyargh - Crystal Gems! I've made up my mind. I have something to tell you about the Cluster.”

* * *

**November 14th, 2015**

**23 Days Left**

We were at the Beach House the next day, Peridot was going to tell the Crystal Gems about the Cluster. With my help of course. “Ahem, ahem. As it seems I have no other options, I have conceded to reveal some important information to you Crystal Gems.” Peridot snaps her fingers, cuing me to shuffle in. I was wearing a box with a crudely drawn picture of Earth on it. Peridot, using a flyswatter as a pointer, smacks the box. The box ricocheted off of my face. Ow. “This ... is the Earth. At the very center of the planet's core lies ... the Cluster! Rotate.” I complied, turning the box to show a representation of the Earth's core and the cluster inside.

Peridot points at the scribbles at the center of the circle. “This is the Cluster. A massive, artificial fusion composed of millions of Gem shards. It has laid dormant for thousands of years within this planet's crust. When this Gem activates and takes its form, the result will be catastrophic. Now!” She hit the box again, with no warning at all. It made me tense up a bit.

I turned back to the Earth picture, and started to bob up and down. Eventually, a green, snake-like puppet bursts through the side of the box while I made growling noises. I heard the Crystal Gems gasp and I smile as I knew I did a good job. However, Peridot did not think so. “What is that!?”

Opening the puppet's mouth, I made it look like it was speaking. “It's the Cluster.” She then swats the puppet with the flyswatter.

“It does not look like that. However, it is real, and it can activate at any moment!”

“That abomination must be stopped.” Garnet growled out.

“But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth, it'll have to-” Peridot suddenly swats at Pearl.

“Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we need is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth.” Pearl starts glaring at Peridot. Amethyst looks at her, smiling, but Pearl glares back, causing her to stop. “It'll need to withstand up to 360 giga pascals of pressure and temperatures of 9800 degrees.”

We were at the barn now, I was in a swivel chair with a smile on my face, after I made a cute diagram of the drill we were going to build. “All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available.” Pearl said, before looking at the chalkboard. “Ugh ... sorry, Steven, it's a lovely drawing, but it won't look like this.”

I stopped spinning, now frowning. Peridot picks up a piece of chalk, examines it and gives it back to Pearl. Hmm. Good, yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.” Pearl and I exchanged glances.

“Uh, what?” Pearl asks.

“Hm? Um, that will be all?” Peridot claps her hands in command. Pearl continues to stand there, looking incredulously at Peridot. The green gem in front of me leans towards me and whispers, “How do you get her to leave?” I looked at her confused.

“Excuse me, I am not leaving.” Pearl said with her hand on her hip looking down at Peridot. I nodded in agreement.

“Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?”

Peridot laughs slightly, “No, no. You're confused. A pearl can't build a thing like this. Because pearls aren't for this! They're for standing around, and looking nice, and holding your stuff for you ... right?”

“That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.”

“Listen to you?” Peridot laughs more. “Did you teach her to talk like this?” I saw Pearl looks at Peridot angrily. “She's a pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld. So, who do you belong to anyway?” She asked as she grabbed Pearl's sash.

“NOBODY!” snaps Pearl, snatching the sash back out of Peridot's green hands.

“Then ... what are you for?” Pearl recoils back. “Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A peridot with a pearl, what would they say back home?”

“Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on our turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of you!” This whole conversation was confusing, all I was thinking was 'there were hundreds of more pearls somewhere else?' I always thought there was one. How wrong was I?

“Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!” Peridot says pointing a finger at Pearl. Pearl looked angry, clenching her jaw and fists, I got up and got in between the two before Pearl decides to do something rash.

“You're wrong! If pearls are really like you say they are, then Pearl isn't common at all!” Pearl blushes. “She trained herself to fight! She learned how to build things! And she works hard every day to be greater than she already is! That's not common; that's amazing! If you don't think so then, Peridot, I don't think we can be friends.” I felt the hands of Pearl on my shoulders as we stared at Peridot. Peridot was taken back, her face showed amounts of different expressions.

“I have to admit, it's ... remarkable that a pearl such as yourself could become such a … knowledgeable technician. Mmm ...” Peridot seemed like she was having trouble saying the words. She looks around and picks up the drill, holding it the wrong way. She holds it out to Pearl. “Why don't we get started?”

Pearl takes the power drill. “You're holding it upside down.” She hands the drill back facing the right away. I moved away from them as they started to talk it out about the plans for the drill.

I walked away from them a little bit. “Looks like we're well on our way to stopping the Cluster.” I told myself as I was holding the cluster puppet, I started to make it's mouth move like it was talking. “Do you think you can stop me?” I screamed, grabbing myself with the puppet and making fake devouring sounds. “Ah, we're doomed!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the end notes! Yes! I finally got in a chapter! I am so happy. Anyway, I used dialogue and inspiration from, "When It Rains," and "Back To The Barn," I guess you can say I wanted another chapter where Steven isn't so depressed. And yes I did leave out the big robot fighting scene with Peridot and Pearl, I wanted to put it in there, but I decided against it. It was too much for me to write. This is almost 5,000 words so yeah, it might be over 5,000 if I had put that scene in. Well, I am sorry for the long wait you guys had to endure. Until next time -XDomoX


	12. Guardians of Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to follow the plot of Steven Universe in this story, as you can tell, but also follow the plot of my own story. It won't become fully my own again until part two. I need to add things from the show to keep it at what I want, even though it will be boring to some. I am sorry. I am trying to make it entertaining, and I am trying to keep with my original plot. However, there are things I plan on doing that wasn't all in the summary. ;D Part one is almost over, and I am trying to put in as much as I can, so, the chapters will be long. I can promise you that. Anyway, I hope you will like this chapter. Until next time - XDomoX

**November 17th, 2015**

**20 days left**

I gave Peridot a tape recorder the other day, I thought maybe because we broke all her stuff she would appreciate this. She did. She uses it all the time now. Annoying Pearl most of the time with it. Anyway, today she told Garnet to defuse because it made her uncomfortable, and Garnet, well she tied Peridot to the feces with a child's leash. It was funny to see that she was struggling against the rope and was confused about why she was there in the first place. It was also cruel, but nobody really cared. 

I watched as Peridot struggled to get to the microwave, I turned around to face Pearl and hand her what I was holding. “Here you go, Pearl.” I told her, and she grabbed it from me.

She turned it in her hand examine it. “Oh, good. Hmm ... No ... No, no, no, no, I said I needed tungsten. Tungsten?” I frowned, I guess I didn't get the right thing. Damn it.

“Uh ... what does "tungsten" look like?” I asked confused.

“Tungsten.” Amethyst stuck her tongue out at Pearl, that couldn't help, but giggle a little at her girlfriend. “Ahh.” She ran over to Pearl and tackled her to the ground trying to lick her cheek. I heard Pearl giggle and scream trying to get her off of her. She finally pushed Amethyst off, and stood up. Pearl's cheeks were dark blue as she swept the dirt off of her.

“Ugh … fine … I will do it myself.” Pearl said and stormed off leaving Amethyst there with her tongue still sticking out, she shrugged and looked at me. We heard Peridot grunt and tried to reach for the screwdriver. I picked it up.

“Is this what you want?” I had asked her, and she nodded.

“Yes, that's exactly the leverage optimizer that I needed.” Did she just call a screwdriver a leverage optimizer, what? I guess Amethyst caught what she said as well because she then started to tease Peridot about what she called different things. It was actually really funny, by the time Amethyst asked what she called the butt. I haven't laughed this hard in awhile and it felt nice too. We stopped laughing when Pearl walked back over to us, saying that all we needed was a drill head now then the drill will be set to build. Peridot then mention we can get one from the Prime Kindergarten, then got all butt hurt when Garnet said she couldn't go alone to get one. Garnet doesn't trust Peridot all that much.

Amethyst volunteer herself and me to go with Peridot, so now we were at the kindergarten looking for a good enough injector to take the drill back home. “Log date: 7112. The Amethyst and the Steven have volunteered to help me dismantle this Era 1 drill. How stylistically displeasing. The newer ones have a nicer finish.” Peridot spoke into her tape recorder, and Amethyst had to comment and call her a nerd. I told Amethyst to cut that out as I jumped off the injector, landing next to the two. “As you can see, this planet is annoying and everything is annoying. Amongst its transgressions is the need for the Amethyst to ask permission from the perma-fusion.”

“Okay, Okay. Do Steven next. What's weird about Steven?” Amethyst asked laughing. Hey, there was nothing weird about me. That's what I thought anyway, but Peridot thought I was weird as she just went on and on about it.

“Where do I even begin! He's some sort of hybrid abomination, I don't even understand how he functions! His organic half consumes so much energy that he has to constantly feed, and he spends so much time expelling that he has a whole room dedicated to it!” Peridot laughs, as my face fell. I looked down at my body, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I felt like she basically just called me fat there. That kind of hurt, and I thought she was my friend.  “The strangest thing is,” she continued while she laughed, “Amethyst, you think you have to listen to them! You're the one who should be in charge!” Things just took a turn. “You're the only Crystal Gem, that's actually a Gem!”

“Uhm ...” Amethyst laughed nervously trying to comprehend what Peridot was trying to say. I was as confused as Amethyst was. “What?”

“You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you! You're a strong, singular, fully functional soldier, despite the fact you're defective.” Amethyst face had dropped when Peridot said that she was defective. Ouch. I wanted to hug Amethyst and tell her that Peridot was wrong. So so wrong. If anyone was defective it was me. “You're small! Well, you're not supposed to be!” Peridot looked around before spotting Amethyst's hole in the wall.

“Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. This! This is the hole you came out of! Too small, too low. The exit marks look 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm, this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!”

I clenched my fists they fell to the side of me. “Peridot ...” I warned before Amethyst stops me by putting her hand on my shoulder. She squeezed as she spoke her words slowly.

“What was I supposed to look like?”

“Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating. However, you simply stayed in the ground too long.” Peridot shrugged, now Amethyst was angry, I winced slightly as she squeezed my shoulder harder before letting go.

“Are you saying I'm wrong?!”

Peridot apparently thought this whole conversation was funny and that upsets me. “Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it, it's all so ...” *snickers*She snickers … funny!” she laughs and all I can do was look at how Amethyst looked upset and angry with herself and Peridot combined. I looked at Amethyst and mouthed her name. “Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off-” before she can even finish speaking Amethyst summoned her weapon and violently cuts the drill head off an injector. “See, look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back, and shove this thing in Pearl's face!”

“Amethyst? Are you okay?” I whispered, putting a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs me off and started to walk off. Uh Oh.

“Don't worry about it.” She called.

* * *

 

"You were pretty mean to Amethyst at the Kindergarten." I told Peridot as she was feeling ignored when Amethyst wouldn't pay attention to her. I didn't want to be talking to Peridot, but I didn't want Amethyst to be hurt either.

"Mean? No way! I was being... "cool". Amethyst loved it. She's probably telling the Pearl how much fun she had now." Peridot waved when she saw Amethyst looking at her. "Amethyst, hi, hi, hi, Amethyst!" She walks into the barn ignoring Peridot altogether, I chuckled a little. "She ... she won't even look at me. It's making me feel ... smaller."

"You feel bad! That's how you made her feel." I tried to tell Peridot, who just snorted and shook her head.

"Who cares about how she feels? Who cares about any of you! You're all just rocks! Ruddy, muddy, clumps beneath my gravity connectors!" She grunts and falls on the ground.

"Ugh, another one of her temper tantrums. I'm surprised you two made it back from the Kindergarten without driving each other crazy!" I overheard Pearl say, and she wrapped her arms around Amethyst putting her face in her hair.

"Yeah..." Amethyst replied.

* * *

A little, Peridot was working on the drill while I was holding her leash, she grunted. "This little thing ..." She grunts again turning as she saw Amethyst, grunting louder. Amethyst walks past, not even acknowledging that Peridot was there. She stared at her before continuing to work on the drill. I asked how everything was going. "Fine ...! There's nothing wrong, everything's fine!" She pushed a button making a mistake and she tries to fix it. "Ah! No, no, no, no, no, stop!" Peridot grunts again before falling off the drill and coughs "The panel ...!" I jumped onto the drill as it begins to spin out of the control. "Wait!"

Peridot leash gets caught on a piece of metal and she is unable to chase after me and the drill. "It's okay, I got it!" I said lying, as I was starting to feel sick to my stomach and dizzy as the drill spun and spun at a fast pace. It started to spin out of control around the yard. Unsuspecting, Amethyst comes around the corner of the barn, only to be faced with the drill heading towards her. I heard Peridot yell Amethyst's name, but all I can see around me was blurred images. Was I going to die? I finally able to rip the drill panel off and stop the drill. I jumped off the drill all dizzy. "It's okay, everything's okay! It was just a drill!" I laughed then collapsed against the side of the drill. Peridot was on top of Amethyst, they were both blushing madly. Just good thing Pearl wasn't there to see it, she was the jealous type.

After all that, Pearl and Garnet came back, Pearl freaked out about the mess when she saw it and saw Amethyst and me cleaning up the debris thrown around the yard. Now Amethyst and I were behind the barn, leaning against it. "Is this how you feel, Steven?" she asked me. I was confused before I realized what she was talking about. I looked down at my hands.

"Yeah … I guess so … I don't know. I always feel lonesome, like I can never talk to anybody about my problems because I am different from everybody. You know? I am half human, half-gem. Who can actually understand what I am going through?" I shrugged again and started to play with the grass between my fingers.

"However, Peridot called you defective. That wasn't very nice. You might not be feeling to good about that, huh?" I asked after a minute of silence. Before Amethyst could answer me, Peridot walked over. We stood up, coming to the same height as her.

"Listen, I ... uhm ..." Peridot stops trying to find the right words.

"Just spit it out." Amethyst says annoyed.

Peridot shocked by the way , Amethyst spoke, she gets angry and grunts. "Ughh!" She facepalms herself. "Why are you earthlings so difficult!?" Peridot slams her thumb on the recorder she was holding and lets us hear, what was on it. "Log date: 7112. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by any one of these "Crystal Gems". I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and now I'm working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently "hurt" Amethyst's "feelings", which was not my intent. If I've damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. Peridot. Facet 5. End log." Peridot turns off the recorder when it was done. "As you can see,—"

"Peridot ... Thanks." Amethyst said and smiles at her before walking away. Peridot smiles awkwardly back at her.

* * *

**November 20th, 2015**

**17 Days Left**

My therapist actually told me to write down everything that has been going on and that's what I have been doing, I don't leave anything out. So, it's November twentieth, it's been three days since I wrote any entries, which was pretty bad considering so much had happened. I learned the story of how Sapphire and Ruby met. That was cute. Oh and we also went to the moon. We went to the moon because we were looking for a missing piece of the drill, then we could actually say it was finished. We all hopped onto Lion to take us there because there wasn't a warp pad connected to the base. I learned some things about the past, it was pretty interesting. However, I think Peridot was up to more than what we came there for.

Anyway, yesterday, I had followed Peridot into the barn, and had her go into the truck with me that was parked inside. I wanted to question her about what happened at the moon, but I needed to be slick about it, but also I knew she was hiding something from me, and I wanted to know what that was. "I wanted to ask you about the … diamonds." I started off.

I guess she was a little shock about my question, as she kind of looked nervous while she was talking to me. "Oh! I don't know what the others have told you, but there's a reason they're in charge. They're objectively better than us. Every Gem has their strengths and weaknesses, but not them. They're absolutely totally completely flawless beings! Especially my diamond, Yellow Diamond, the most perfect, the most reasonable, rational, efficient decider ever to exist in the universe!" Seems to me she really looked up to this Yellow Diamond. It was slightly creepy, I could never look up to somebody that much.

"You're really royal to her … are you not?" I asked slowly getting her comfortable with me.

"How could I not be? We might have our little truce, but I'll never forsake the Gem I was made for!" I rolled my eyes before sighing.

"Good because she's … right behind her." The moment she turned around I grabbed the 3D diamond shape whatever the thing was right out of Peridot's hand. It had the facets colors white, light yellow, light blue and light pink. I jumped out of the truck locking it behind me. "Save your strength! You're up against one of the earth's greatest trapping technologies, the child safety lock!"

Peridot gasped looking at me through the truck window. "Oh, no! How could you do this to me, the great and lovable Peridot?! I thought we were finally friends like you wanted ..."

"I saw you sneak this off the moon base while nobody else was looking!" I held up the device. "What is it? Tell me!" I demanded it.

"It's nothing special. And definitely not important at all."

"Hmm!" I knew she was lying so I picked up a hammer that was lying on the floor. "Then why don't I just smash it!"

"No, no, no, no, no, wait! All right, look. I have a plan. Allow me to explain ... it's ... a communicator. Meant for the express purpose of contacting the Diamonds back on Homeworld." I was shocked and I felt betrayed by her.

"You're still trying to contact Homeworld?"

"Yes, of course! I figured it out. You simple clods keep trying to protect the earth, but you can't do anything right! I let myself get carried away, too ... laughing, singing, building our little machine ... but don't you see? None of that matters! All that matters is that I'm of use to Yellow Diamond! This planet can be of use to Yellow Diamond! I must contact her, to reveal what I've discovered!"

"But the Diamonds are bad! They don't care about the earth! They wanted to hollow it out, and now they wanna blow it up with the Cluster! Why do I keep sticking my neck out for you? You're never gonna be on our side! Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!" I said and shook my head, I ran out of the barn hearing her yell after me. I closed the barn door.

I met up with the gems and we talked about it, before hearing Peridot honk the horn of the truck. "I see she knows what a horn is now." I sighed and sat down on the ground feeling defeated and used.

"You offered her a lot of your trust." Garnet said, pointing out the obvious.

"I did! And it blew up in my face. You guys have been protecting Earth for thousands of years. She could've destroyed all of that. A whole earth, why did I think I could change her mind?" I really thought I could. I thought maybe I could get her to change, then I can have another family member, somebody that I can talk to about problems. I don't know what I was thinking.

"Ugh, I know right? But I guess you can't like go into peoples heads and change how they think. Maybe we can? Yeaaah if we just shrink down really little-" Amethyst was trying to say before getting caught off by me.

"No no no, I don't want to tell her what to do. She should just know. Shouldn't she?"

"It's 'cause you believe in everyone Steven. Like your mother, you seem to have a little more patience, then the rest of us. But the truth is, not everyone deserves that patience." Garnet compared me to my mother, I didn't want to be compared to somebody that everybody thinks I seem to be. I wasn't her. Just because I had her gem, doesn't mean I was her.

"Look on the bright side. At least you got this thing away from her before she did any real damage." Pearl was trying to sound optimistic, but it wasn't working.

"... Yeah." I replied.

Everything went so quickly, I don't remember everything that happened, but somehow Peridot broke out of the truck and got hold of the communicator. I wish I could remember what happened, but I think I accidentally hit my head on something when one of the gems threw me back out of the way. I remembered that Peridot had this giant robot that she built awhile back when she was trying to prove herself to Pearl. Long story, I will not tell. Anyway, Peridot had got hold of the communicator and turned it on. It glowed yellow as she called her diamond. I was pulled behind Peridot's bot with the other gems, my head was pounding and it was hard to concentrate then. Everything was a bit hazy.

The communicator opened up a hologram as Peridot gets manically excited. A yellow pearl appeared in the hologram, her build and facial features are similar to that of my Pearl. She sports a beige or pale peach maillot. She also wears puffy, canary yellow, sheer shoulder sleeves, and no skirt, as well as pale yellow long stockings and bright yellow flats. Yellow Pearl also has a puffy yellow pixie haircut that is pointy and in a similar bob design and pale yellow skin. Her gemstone, a yellow pearl, is on her chest and is a round polished cabochon. "This is the Yellow Diamond control room."

I don't want to go into too much detail about this, but let's say that it ended up with Peridot saying; “Apparently more than YOU! You ... CLOD!!!!” Then the communicator exploded. It was pretty wicked. However, now Peridot is all depressed and freaking out that she did that. I guess she will get over with it soon. I'm hungry, so I am going to sign off and go eat. Until the next report, hopefully it will be better. Maybe I should go and take my medicine. Who am I kidding? I'm not going to do that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made the last couple of chapters reports from Steven. Anyway, I realized I made too many days. So I have to cut some out...again... opps. Anyway, I'll figure something out in the next chapter. For the ones who stuck through thank you for sticking through the boring parts, no more episode summaries. I promise. Not this dramatic anyway. Two more chapters until Part one is over, then the aftermath happens! Yes! Hahaha. Until next time - Xdomox


	13. Whispering Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did take some days off, and I will go back through the chapters changing the number to the right ones. I thought I needed more time, but then I realized I had to much time, and I didn't know what to put in the between. Anyway, thank you for the reviews, loving them. If you look out I'll be revising some chapters, to go more along with the plot of the story instead the plot of the show. So, until the end notes. -XDomoX

**November 24th, 2015**

**0 Days left (I took off like 17 days. xD Opps.)**

I screamed waking up, and panting. I was sweating all over, another one of my nightmares. This time it was just darkness surrounding me. Darkness. And voices. I heard voices calling my name. Steven. Steven. Come home, Steven. What was home? Back at the temple? I didn't recognize the voices, but they did sound familiar. I looked around, it was dark, but light came through in the cracks of the walls, so I knew I was in the barn still. The truck I was sleeping in was cool to the touch. Then, the barn doors open revealing the gems, they looked frightened. "Steven, are you okay? We heard screaming, and thought something happened." It was Pearl. She has been trying to change, and care for me more than usually. I guess it was working, but it was working too much.

I kind of want her to stop, I don't know. I always wanted the love and support, but now I feel like it was too much. And she always wanted me to talk more about my feelings I had for Lapis, and the feelings I get every day. Why I tried to kill myself, or why I had thoughts of self-harming all the time. I mean the past week has been okay for me, I guess. Other than what Peridot had said at the Kindergarten to me and Amethyst. I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. Just a nightmare. No worries. What's going on? You all seem more on alert than usual." They looked at each other, before looking at me.

"Jasper. She is on the loose on some island. Shaking things up." Garnet said quietly, and positioned her visors. I got up out of the truck, stretching. "We have to go, and find her. Before she does anymore damage." I was a little sad to hear this to be honest. I didn't want them to leave. "And no, Steven. Nothing you can say or do, will stop us from going." I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. I hated how she does that.

"I want to help, though!" I also wanted to get revenge, but they didn't need to know that. I wanted to get revenge for the death of my friend. If she wasn't on that ship in the first place, then she would still be alive.

"It's too dangerous, Steven. We don't want you to get hurt," That's what Pearl told me. "You've been under too much stress already. We don't want anything to happen to you." We walked out of the barn, and I had to squint from the blaring sunlight above my head. It was a warm day, unusual for a November day. I looked ahead to see Peridot working on something on the drill. I looked away to look in the eyes of Pearl.

I shook my head sighing. It was no use to fight them. They were always going to tell me that it was too dangerous. I was going to find a way to help them look. I didn't know how, but I was going to try. One way or another. "Fine, I'll stay here, and watch Peridot work on the finishing touches of the drill. Just be safe, okay?" I told them, and gave them all hugs. Garnet ruffled my hair, before they ran off panting to the warp pad.

"You're going to do something, are you not?" I jumped as I heard Peridot's voice right behind me. "I'm not stupid, you know." I turned around to see Peridot with her hand on her hip, before the ground started to shake. Something was going on at that island. The tremble stopped and she looked terrified for a second before getting over herself. She sat down on the ground, patting the spot next to her. I took up the offer, sitting down next to her. "The Crystal Gems … they have no chance against Jasper. Being on the ship with her for those months was terrifying enough." A shudder went down her whole body, she shook her head. "Anyway, let's just hope that they do have a chance, but my money goes on Jasper." I pushed her playfully, and she giggled. "I'm sorry, I know her, and she won't go down easily."

I grabbed my knees up to my chest. "Can I ask you a question, Peridot?" she looked up at me a little confused, but she nodded and motioned her hand for me to continue. "How was Lapis? Like how was she the whole time on that ship? Was she sad?" A bunch of emotions came across Peridot's face, until it stuck on a cold expression. I didn't mean to struck a nerve with her.

"Why do you care so much for Lazuli?" She asked coldly. "What do you have with her? Are you sad because she ran away?" I had to tangle my pants in my fist to try and calm down. Why was she being so cold about it?

I took a deep breath shaking my head. "She didn't run away for your information. She was crushed into practically dust when the ship went down because I couldn't save her. I saved my family only. Now answer my question, Peridot."

Shaking her head, she looked lost for words. "I didn't know, I'm sorry. God, I didn't mean to sound like a brat there." she did look guilty for acting like that, and I shook my head. "However, Lazuli, she hated it on the ship. She wouldn't talk, she wouldn't budge from the corner. No matter how many beatings she got from Jasper, she wouldn't say anything. She was so full of hatred for us, she would glare, then look away. I would hear her whispering to herself, over the course of the day. She just wanted to go home, and I feel terrible from taking that away from her. I wish I saw the errors of my way back then. Like I do now."

I nodded, not wanting to say anything. If I did I know it wouldn't be good. I was filled with loathsome hatred. Lying down, I curled up in a ball. I felt shuffling next to me, as Peridot stood up. "I'm sorry, Steven, I wish you can truly understand how sorry I really am." Her voice was fading out as I closed my eyes to let the numbness hit me. It hit so hard that it almost hurt when I fell into the world of darkness.

* * *

This dream was different from all the others. Instead of darkness, I was on a island. I could feel the heat of the sand sinking inside my skin. However, when I looked down, I wasn't human. I was a watermelon. I tried to open my mouth, but nothing came out other than black seeds. That was disgusting. I wobbled along, looking around to find my surroundings. Then, I heard fighting, and then a cry from a familiar voice. What was going on? I ran through the sand as fast as my wobbling legs could take me.

Trees were all around me as I went to the source of the sound. There I saw my family fighting off Jasper, and a corrupted gem. This gem was huge, ugly, and scary looking. I opened to say something, but nothing came out that was understandable. Amethyst ran at Jasper, but was thrown back against a tree. I ran over to her, to try to get her attention, but she looked at me once weirdly then got up, running back to the gems. This was definitely no dream, she acknowledged me, but she didn't know who I was.

I needed to help, I needed to do something. I turned around, running back the way I came. Maybe I can find others like me. Coming across a village, I started to grunt angrily, trying to get their attentions. They stopped what they were doing, walking over to me. I started grunting more, asking for their help. Apparently, Jasper has been making them sacrifice their people as an offering to her to stay away from the village. The watermelons gathered things to fight with then followed me through the forest to where the fighting was being held.

"What is this?!" I heard Jasper growl out as she fought against Pearl, blocking her spears with her forearms. "I thought you worshiped me! How could you side with these, worthless, nobody's?!" Jasper managed to push Pearl off of her. That was the chance for the watermelons to attack Jasper, jumping on her. She screamed, and smashed the watermelons like they were nothing under her fists and feet. The Crystal gems took down the corrupted gem, before helping the watermelon Stevens with Jasper. When they all separated Jasper was on the ground unconscious.

Pearl was panting and then laughs as she hugs her fellow team mates. She then kisses Amethyst as I ran over and hugs her legs. I felt her body tense when she crouched down to look at me. A smile crosses her lips. "Steven, is that you?" She asked me, and I nodded my watermelon head.

"Thank you, we couldn't have done it without you." Garnet said and hugs me as well. I knew they couldn't do it. I told them they should have brought me along with them in the first place. I looked at Jasper's body, and felt hatred for her. I never felt so much hate in my life, but every time I see her. "Thank you. All of you. You were all brave." The watermelon Stevens grunt happily in response.

"Good job, Melon Head." Amethyst said as she grabbed Pearl's hand staring at me. We all laughed in response, before the ground started to shake. I saw Amethyst hold on tighter to Pearl, like her life depends on it. A frighten look on her face.

"It must be the cluster. Steven, it's up to you. The warp was destroyed. We won't make it back in time." Garnet said and I shook my head. I was scared. I didn't want to leave them, I didn't want to lose my only family I have. "Wake up, get Peridot and start drilling. The Earth needs you, Steven. We'll be fine. You can do this. We believe in you." How can they believe in me? When I can barely believe in myself. I nodded once again.

My surroundings were starting to fade. "You got this dude. You know the drill." I heard Amethyst say, and smile at me.

"Be careful, Steven. Watch each other's back." Pearl said softly.

The last thing I saw was their faces, and the fading voice of Garnet. "And Steven …" There was a pause. "We love you ..." Then it was dark. I was back in the darkness, back in my human form. I looked back in fourth like I didn't know which way I wanted to go. One way, there was my mom and Lapis, the other way I could see the drill. I turned to face my mom and Lapis. Lapis was smiling and motioning me to come along. My mom was shaking her head disappointed. I started walking over to them, then I got shook awake. A frightened looking Peridot, staring right in my face, inches apart.

"Where are the others?" She asked as the ground starts to crack as it shook under our feet. I shook my head, and she groans. "Get into the drill now, we have no time for this." We climbed into the cockpit, and she starts up the drill going down into the earth. "It'll be two hours until we hit the cluster." I did not like that at all. We rode in silence before I started to feel claustrophobic. I shut my eyes tightly, shaking my head.

"I hate it down here so much. It's so cramped, and kind of hot in here. And ugh. Just keep taking to me to distract me from this feeling." I was barely able to move my legs around, I sighed. She then started to talk to me about the liquid surrounding us, and then Homeworld. I was going to reply when Gem mutants started to attack the drill. That didn't help my racing heart one bit, it slowed a bit when Peridot took out a cannon. She handed me a Nintendo 64 controller. "Something doesn't feel right about this. Ngah. These things. We can't just leave their gems out there. They're going to form again later. If I could just bubble them, then, they'd be safe." I hated to know that they were suffering down here, I wanted to help them, I wanted to know I can help instead of always getting people and things hurt.

"There is no helping them. They're too broken. The beings who used to be in those shards are so shattered, they don't know who they are, or what's happening around them. They just seek out other gems, looking for the missing pieces of themselves. Trying to make themselves whole." A red gem came at the camera and I shot it away, as my heart ached in response to what Peridot said. They probably never asked for this. "These early experiments only combine two or three shards. The cluster will be a billion times bigger. An inseparable fusion capable of destroying worlds, starting with this one." The drill pierces the ceiling of a huge opening, and stops. Peridot looks around with mobile binoculars attached to a flashlight.

The cluster and its surroundings tremor. Peridot and I shout in panic. White matter ripples and surrounds the cluster, rising up towards the drill. "Steven, I'm sorry I couldn't save you or the billions of other lifeforms who matter far, far less to me. Do you have any last words?!" There was more words that I wanted to say, but had no time to say them. There were also things that I wanted to say, and I couldn't. I opened my mouth and nothing came out, I shook my head as I wrapped my arms around Peridot hugging her. I was scared, but the thought of dying right here put me at peace at the same time.

The cockpit shakes violently. Peridot hugs me back, when white matter rushes upwards, surrounding the drill. The lights flicker, and voices cry out from below. After a moment, the matter shapes into white hands, which brush past the drill and reside back down to their source. Peridot observes the cluster's outstretched arms on the screen."It's still struggling to take its form! This means we still might have time. There's still a chance!" She reaches for the panel and presses some buttons. Then, grasps the steering handles. "Just a little repositioning." She pushes the steering handles. The drill's mechanical legs climb through the hole in the ceiling, suspending the drill above the cluster.

"Peridot, I don't think we should hurt the cluster. I don't think it knows what it's doing." I didn't feel comfortable hurting the cluster, it just wants to find their missing pieces. I just knew it didn't want to hurt anybody. I had a feeling.

Peridot presses a button on the steering handle, the drill spins up and its legs jump down. White hands reach out from the cluster and surround the contraption. We scream as we fell. The drill struggles to touch the cluster's surface against the force of the white matter, but eventually makes contact. There was then this searing pain pounding inside my head, I groaned holding my face. "Keep going." I said as I was holding my head, Peridot looked worried, but nodded as she kept going along with the mission.

The three drills separate in a triangular formation. The cluster's outreached arms retreat. I looked down at the cockpit floor, seeing flashing hallucinations of ghoulish faces floating up towards me. Gasping in shock, one of the drills breaks off, I watched from the glass. I looked out the window at the cluster, with a nauseated frown. I was feeling sick, having no idea if it was the ride, the fact we were going to hurt the cluster, or the pounding headache. I see another ghostly face. Its mouth widens in a groan as it rushes towards me. My eyes widen and I scream being knocked back in shock, crashing into Peridot. A second drill breaks off. The machine spins around in unbalance. The force of the spinning machine throws us against our seats. I grip my head and stomach, gritting his teeth in pain.

My gem beings to glow, I could hear Peridot calling my name, as I sit upright in pain, panting heavily. Peridot rushes over to face me. I started to sweat and pant more heavily, I looked up, and again, sees a vision of a ghoulish face floating up. My seat is suspended among them, and Peridot is gone. "Peridot? Peridot?" My gem glows and the seat dissipates, I looked around floating into the darkness that turned into a starry night sky. The whispers of lost souls echoed around me. _Must ... Have to ... Want to ... Need to ... Have to ..._ I noticed that gem shards were floating around me. _Want to ... Need to ... Want to ..._

A gem shard floats past me, a small broken voice can be heard from it as its glow pulsates … want to ... need to ... A strong light emits around me and the voices cry out. "Form!" I screamed out and covered my ears. Their voices pierced my ears and rattled my brain. The light subsides and the voices calm.

It's the cluster. I'm talking to the cluster?! "But ... how did I get inside your brain? Brains?" _Have to ... Want to ... Need to ... Must!_ How was I here? Why was I here? I was confused, I don't remember how I got here. I was just with Peridot on the drill and now I am inside the cluster. I gasped. "Wait! Please don't take form!" The light returns and the cluster chants aggressively.

"Form! Form! Form! Form! Want form! Want form! Form!" I covered my ears again, the light and the chant fades. I noticed the gem shard that floated past me earlier.

"You're shards. You just wanna find the rest of your gems. However, forming won't help you find the rest of yourselves. You'll just destroy the Earth, but if you wanna find other gems, there's so many of you right here! Look." I pushed a gem shard near another. "Shard, meet shard!" The shard glow as they speak. _Have to … Want to … "_ See? You already have so much to talk about." The Cluster's voices raise in commotion as they begin to speak to each other. Bubbles of light surround me as I smile. I was helping somebody. I wasn't failing to help them. I felt so good about it. I was doing something that the gems would be pride of. The cluster is soon engulfed in light. Links form between bubbles of light. The light subsides momentarily, then returns. The cluster cries out in anguish.

"Can't stop! Going to form! Can't stop! Going to form! Help! Help! Help!"

"It's okay. If I just bubble you, you won't have to come out. It'll keep you safe. Here, look, like this!" I started to bubble the shards near me. "I can bubble you! I can bubble you! I can bubble you! Ah. Well, that's five. Out of ... oh jeez. I'm sorry! I can't do it alone!" I was going to fail, I was just a failure at everything. I felt like curling up in a ball. The bubbles of light pulsate around me, pushing me to and fro. I start to float away from the cluster. Grunting, reaching out to the light. I woke up with Peridot in front of me.

Once I came to my senses, I sat upright and gasps. Bubbles can be seen forming on the cluster's surface. "They're bubbling each other!" I bent down on one knee and places my hands-on the cock pit floor. I could feel my heart pounding as I thought about what I was going to do. "I've got you. You've got this. We've all got each other!" I was going to help them, to repay the others that I couldn't help. I encased the cluster in a huge pink bubble, the drill's mechanical arms climb out of its hole near the barn. The contraption falls, and we tumble out of the cockpit when we got up, Peridot hugs me. I hugged her back before my body was becoming weak, my heart slowing down. My legs were trembling. I was feeling sick to my stomach, and my head was spinning. The world was spinning. What was going on? "Peridot ..." I whispered before I fell on the ground, and my whole world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kay, so I know I said I wouldn't have a summarized version of episodes, most of it i mine, and some of it is of the episode. However, it was necessary for the plot of this chapter to have the cluster as you can tell. Now, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and prepare to hate me in the next. I love you guys. Thank you for sticking with my bullshit. :D Until the last chapter of Part 1. -XDomoX


	14. The Cold Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I am back with another chapter! Last chapter of Part one! Then I will start rewriting the couple of chapters before the last two. Anyway, thank you for sticking through the up and downs of this crazy plot that made no sense at the end. So thank you again Until the end notes -XDomoX

I didn't know where I was. It was dark and silent. Nothing was around me. I didn't hear voices, I didn't see any light. However, it was oddly comforting. Darkness is a peculiar substance, similar to ice it has three states strong, fluid, and gas, but with a turn.

Since it is a kind of magical material, it doesn't fall under the laws of science, just ready to change states by the client. In strong structure it's totally dark beside an exceptionally minor shade of red at its middle, similar to a light oblivious, when a non-client touches it its like getting winded, if hit by a sharp point it will enter and rapidly taint.

As a fluid it's thick; sticky, and has an impact odor of ink, it can act like sand trap or out and out coat and choke out individuals. As a gas it's entirely abnormal it can go through strong material easily, choke, and destroy like corrosive. Overall Darkness is an odd thing. It really is. Now what do I want? What do I fear? Know that and I can unlock my own cage and step into the light. However, do I want to go into the light? Or do I want to stay in an eternal darkness? So, peaceful, and so comfortable.

I sat down my legs crossed sitting in the middle of the darkness, when there was a light. I had to cover my eyes because it was so bright. It took the darkness away. It took my friend away. Where was this light coming from? When the light dimmed, I saw Lapis standing in front of me. Was it the same dream I had before? The same nightmare? However, it didn't feel like a nightmare to me. This felt real. Like it was my time to go. I stood up, a smile enriched on my face. After so many times trying, trying to get back the pain that I lost. To fill the hole in my heart. Lapis stood there in front of me, smiling. “We have been waiting for you, Steven. Your mom says it's time to go.”

My mom, I looked around I didn't see her anywhere. Every time I seem to come to this darkness, my mother was always shaking her head at me. The times I tried to end my life, it was disappointment. I tried to say something, but nothing came out. She giggled and stretched out her hand. “Follow me, Steven. Let's go into the light together.” A strange happiness over came me like I have been waiting for this moment to come. I grabbed her hand and it was cold. Why was she so cold? She smiles, and leads me to the light, it was blinding. Then, it dimmed once again. We were in a meadow, pink everywhere, like Lion's mane. It felt almost like the place that I have been before in one of my dreams. However, it wasn't, but it did feel like it was home to me.

We walked hand in hand as I looked around the beautiful meadow. The wind blew softly against my face, and the smell of roses filled my nose. We walked more before getting to a cliff where there was a bench overlooking the ocean. On that bench was a tall large woman. Her hair was very long, and curly pink hair, almost like pink starbursts styled in thick, tube-like ringlets. Her head turned around, to smile at me and Lapis with her defined lips that were a pale pink color. Her skin was a bright-peach illuminating the atmosphere around her. She motioned for us to sit next to her. Still hand in hand, we walked over. I sat in between my mom and Lapis.

“Isn't it remarkable, Steven? This world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience; the sights they see, the sounds they hear, the lives they live, are so complicated, and so simple. So, why? Why did you want to end it all and come to a place where nothing changes, my son?” She didn't look at me as she spoke, her voice was soft and musical, but full of sadness and grief. “To think you lived for such a short time.”

“Do you realize, how much it hurt to live on the planet earth? How much suffering I went through? Have you been watching me?” I asked, I suddenly felt like crying. “The Crystal Gems, mom, they blamed me for your death. I blamed myself for your death, and for Lapis' death.” I squeezed Lapis' death. “It was too hard for me to go on. I wanted nothing more to end it and be with both of you. And I finally got the chance to do it.” I looked at the crashing waves of the ocean, the waters were so vibrant in different shades of pinks.

Rose looked at me, her pink eyes were wet with tears. “This is not how I wanted your life to be like, my son. I wanted you to be filled with joy, happiness, and love. Instead, it was filled with despair, loneliness, and self loathsome.” I let go of Lapis' hand to hug my mother that had her arms out wide for me. I embraced her with everything I had in me. Her arms were warm, unlike Lapis'. She stoked my hair, and I could feel her chest move up and down with the shallow breaths she was taking. “Is this really what you want? Do you want to stay here with me and Lapis?” Her question struck me. “You still have some time to think about it, but not much.”

“Steven, come with me. I want to show you something.” Lapis' voice was sweet, I let go of my mother and looked at the blue gem. I nodded getting up with her. She crouched down, and motioned me to climb on her back. I looked at my mom, and she nodded. “Are you ready?” She asked. I took a deep breath, and got onto her back. “You okay like this?” I nodded in agreement, before Lapis takes off to the skies. Fear and excitement went through me as I held on to Lapis. My mom's figure moves further away from us, as Lapis flies down sticking her hand out with my to move against the warm water of the ocean. Our shadows move across the surface of the ocean, pink and blue fish jump from the ocean to meet us in the air.

Lapis flies faster, before drop catches me above the clouds. I grabbed a hold of Lapis' cold hands. A cold angel in the sky of the heavens. She was beautiful, and so was this world. My feet skid across the ocean's surface, as she turns around and flies us back to my mother. She was in the same spot. Her face was grave. Lapis drops me to my feet next to Rose, she lands next to me softly. "Have you made your decision, Steven? Your heart is slowing down more and more with every passing second. It will stop any minute now." Did I want to stay? What did I have to lose? This means I will never see Connie again, then again I haven't seen her in weeks since the accident. I will never see the Crystal Gems again, either. However, they blamed me for my mom's death in the first place.

I sat down on the bench next to my mom, Lapis sits down next to me. "I am staying. I want to be with you and Lapis. I am at peace for once." I grabbed each one of their hands. "Happiness can be found even on the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light. And that's today." We stared at the ocean, smiling, Rose asked me more about my life. And that's what we did. I talked and talked, being a peace with myself for once. I only wish I knew at that time what my decision would leave such an impact on the ones that I left behind. Now you know my story, its their turn to tell you theirs. You're never the same, even moment to moment you're allowed an expected to invent who you are. What an incredible power.

It's not the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I know this is a short chapter. I am sorry. And yes, it's not as sad as I was hoping for. However, don't worry that will be in chapter fifteen the start of Part 2!! Yes! Anyway, I did use a harry potter quote in there. Hopefully you know which one. xD Thank you for reading the pretty bad Part one of Angel of Yesterday. Until next time -XDomoX

**Author's Note:**

> Do you like it? Should I write more? I know it was pretty much just a recap of Jailbreak, and I wanted to add more in this chapter, but I had school today when I was writing this last night and I just wanted to know if I should write more? Please please tell me! Originally was posted on Fanfiction.net as a test run. Now if you like it on here, I'll continue you it on here.


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